Mouthfrog

Ever since the war to take down the Galactic Empire ended, Han Solo and his trusty co-pilot Chewbacca have been scrounging around for work.  Although there is finally a new Star Wars movie coming out, the Canadian military commissioned the two well respected pilots to test some planes similar to TIE fighters that were popular during that era.  

Washington – Talks in Washington are hot and heavy about getting rid of the penny as part of the US currency.  

Palmetto State Armory, a popular gun retailer, has come under fire this holiday season for its attempts at creative advertising. Marketing executives believed that billboards such as ‘Jingle Bells, Shotgun Shells,’ and displaying ‘Silent Night’ with a pistol and a silencer would be a good idea.  

The sexy rumor this week is that lovers Kim Kardashian and Kanye West welcomed a brand new baby boy into the world.

College Park, MD – “Hey honey, you’ve got to come see this,” yelled Jamie Grundwald out the front door of his neighbor’s house.  “Get over here quick.  This is hilarious!”

Washington – Daniela Vrooman, 4, took an unexpected trip to the White House this past Wednesday with her family.  President Obama and his staff invited Daniela as a good will gesture.  Doctors diagnosed the young child as a mute and have suggested with some certainty that she will never be able to speak again.

Fairfax, VA – Unsubstantiated reports indicate that there has been more gun play than ever at local NRA gatherings.  Rumors have surfaced that members are bringing more and more of their guns to meetings.  There is believed to be some dissension amongst members that believe they are being infiltrated by ‘do-gooders’ and ‘hippie loving peace types.’  

Widely considered the most popular cereal box cartoon character of all-time, Toucan Sam has come under fire this week after an anonymous source reported that his brother is hungry, broke, and homeless in an Ecuadorian rain forest.

Gun related deaths continue to escalate and cripple the psyche of Americans.  President Obama is not happy about it.  He is imploring Congress to pass stricter gun control laws.  Opinions are split on whether or not that is the answer.  A new law passed today, however, would seem to not help matters.

In what is becoming an eerily regular occurrence, armed gunmen injured and killed dozens of innocent citizens in California today for no apparent reason.

The average person spends about 4 years out of their life on the toilet taking a dump.  That’s at about 10 minutes per day and we know that many of you out there are not average. 

Papillion, NE –  Being a kid is tough.  Being an old guy is tough.  Both are entering and leaving comfort zones that they have been in for years.  One such pair in a small town in Nebraska are handling things in very different ways.

Washington, D.C. –  Feeling the wrath of the American public waking up momentarily to see how dumb Carly Fioina and Ben Carson really are, the two have announced a bold move to inject their campaigns full of life again.

It was customary for random videos to surface when Osama Bin Laden was alive and in power.  They usually produced some veiled threat or updated us on Bin Laden’s love life.  In the end the message was always the same.  We’re going to kill you.

Presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, continues to confound Americans with his approach in gaining the highest office in the land.  Whether it’s deporting 11 million people or convincing us the mop on his head is real, Trump continues to win over voters. 

Clayton, AL – These parts may be better known for the search of the almighty Sasquatch.  That journey will undoubtedly continue for years to come.

Evel Knievel, born Bob Knievel, has been mentioned by some as one of the greatest American icons of the 1970′s. He entered the motorcycle hall of fame after he was already dead and he remains dead today.

Just a day after the terrorist massacre, killing over 150 innocent victims, the world watches with concern.  Or do they?  If internet search engines are any indication, concerned citizens from around the globe have already moved on.

Mumbai – As all of the new potential presidential nominees line up and begin to jockey for position, several well known fact checkers have revealed that there jobs have suddenly been outsourced to India.  It comes as a shock to several long time employees of chubbyfactchecker.com.

Bangor, ME – The largest and most successful drug retailing chain in the United States is facing controversy in one of its potential markets for growth.  There are several Walgreens stores already in the state of Maine and expansion has looked very promising.