Graphic artist Randy Goldman has designed logos for dozens of companies but his biggest gig was undoubtedly the AirBNB logo, a contract worth $120,000. But things didn’t go according to plan for the thirty-two year old from New York.
‘We’ve got a mental in our area who goes around bumming stray dogs. I wouldn’t want to be seen talking to him and I guess it’s the same with Corbyn and Cameron,’ said Alan Barker, a resident of London.
Speaking down a pub to anyone who’d listen, Farage was heard saying ‘So I was walking around London yesterday and bumped into this Muslim who was walking around like he bloody ran the place. I asked him just who he thought he was and he introduced himself as Sadiq Khan, Mayor of London.
'‘The train ran over my legs and it was bloody agony but at least I didn’t have to talk to anyone. It was really irresponsible of him to try and engage me in conversation.'
The news is a major blow for an England team who held serious aspirations of getting as far as the second round of the competition before losing on penalties.
The singer of ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ and (presumably) other songs had been reported missing and fears quickly grew that the singer had been successfully terminated.
The couple, Mr and Mrs Taylor, both agree the wind energy is a fantastic idea but just not for the local area since they don’t like the look of the turbines.
‘This represents the single greatest scientific discovery made by man to date,’ said researcher Dr Lillian Nicholson.
The white powder was used to bake a batch of buns, one of which Berry ingested; it was then that she went ‘off her tits’ as one neighbour and witness stated.
The ageless popstar, and singer of such hits as ‘Living Doll’ and ‘Devil Woman’, has had his named dragged through the mud once more after prosecutors were handed evidence in regards to historic sexual assault allegations.
‘We were all stood there waiting for it. Even the Chinese have grown used to it and were expecting it. But it never came. Prince Philip just stood there smiling and nodding,’ said one anonymous Royal aid.
Ted Cruz has been spotted in a host of locations, prowling the streets while muttering aggressively to himself. The scariest thing about the reports is that he has often been spotted in several locations AT THE SAME TIME. This had led many to believe that Ted Cruz could have supernatural powers.
The summit will see swine lovers from around the world gather to talk about how wrong it is to dip their pork soldiers into the farmyard animals in the hope that it will put an end to pig related bestiality.
‘We have some evidence that there could very well be an intelligent life form on Earth. We don’t know exactly what it is at this time but we do know that it doesn’t involve Donald Trump supporters,’ said Paul Hertz of NASA.
Butchers’ Union Members chief Ron Hart told us ‘We want no part in that woman fulfilling her dreadful promise. Our butchers take tremendous care to make the finest sausages possible and to think of one being stuffed up her backside makes me feel sick in more ways than one.’
The Lidl truck smashed into the back of a Vauxhall Nova that failed to indicate as it changed lanes, causing the wagon to flip over. Frozen goods spilled out of the back of the truck and across the motorway. All lanes had to be closed off to clean the spillage and remove the truck.
The Contractor’s Union Northern Trust has received several complaints from local citizens after plumbers failed to turn up mere minutes after the phone call was made.
Images on Instagram show men walking around in backless trousers with vast amounts of matted hair cascading from their bottoms.
‘And, of course, soon one or two biscuits aren’t enough and users can find themselves going through a whole packet in one sitting. While there is no immediate risk of overdose, a regular, growing use can lead to obesity and a serene happiness.’
‘Politics is an extremely stressful profession, especially around election time, and many MPs enjoy partaking in recreational activities to relieve the stress,’ Osborne said.