Reading magazines this week, I learned that: Elton John doesn’t get along with his mother, so she spent her 90th birthday with an Elton John impersonator. (Rolling Stone, 2/25/16) Eighty-five percent of kids say they have fun with their parents. (Time, 3/14/16)
What’s so “super” about Super Tuesday? It’s become painfully obvious that the term “Super Tuesday” was coined for the quantity of elections contested, not the quality of participants involved. Otherwise, we’d be forced to change the name to Kind of Okay Tuesday. Or Is It Really Necessary to be This Loud Tuesday.
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
First thing off when I wake up is to check the morning-wood situation. Tremendous — I can assure you. Never fails. Ivanka had a nickname for it ...
Enough with the old tired slogans – here are some bumper stickers we can relate to. PLEASE – JUST HOLD THE ELECTION NOW AND GET IT OVER WITH! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE! – Did anyone else notice that we ultimately are allowed only two choices? – I turned on the TV and...
by Michael Egan.Spooky former Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia admitted from Purgatory that his ‘Originalist’ theories were just ‘arglebargle, applesauce and jiggery-pokery.’ PURGATORY – Demands by the Heritage Foundation that late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia be permitted to vote “from beyond the grave” have been unexpectedly realized. However, the Foundation is unlikely to be pleased. A [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.
Reading magazines this week, I learned that: Every 34 seconds, someone in the U.S. has a heart attack. (AARP Magazine 3/16) Mike Love is considered one of the biggest assholes in the history of rock & roll. (Rolling Stone, 2/26/16) At least half a dozen people have tried to kill Michael Moore. (Rolling Stone, 2/26/16)
In a startling revelation in a Humor Times interview, Donald Trump finally disclosed the real reason behind his unexpected rise as the leading contender for the Republican presidential nomination. “It’s quite simple,” he said flippantly, “I sold my soul to the devil.”
What Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is … is Mash on steroids — not in Korea, but Afghanistan. And alas, Alan Alda got no call back for this new Tina Fey movie. BTW, WTF is based on real experiences abroad. Just so you know, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot...
by MiPresidential candidate Donald Trump exploded “orgasmically” today — his doctor’s words – after learning that rival GOP candidate Sen. Marco Rubio had publicly mocked his tiny hands and teeny-weeny peeny. ‘I’m the yuuugest dick in America...
by Paul Lander.Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.
Music I Dance To
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by Howard Zaharoff.As I get older, it’s harder to get me on the dance floor. As I get older, it’s harder and harder to get me on the dance floor (or, if I really strut my stuff, help me off it). Basically, there are only 8 songs that will force my hand… and engage my hips and [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.
by Roger Freed.Deep thoughts and questions for 2016 If Donald Trump wins the 2016 Presidential election, he will consider all of us to be ‘losers.’ If the Occupiers of the wildlife refuge took over the land there wouldn’t they probably shoot all the ducks? Do the Republicans already have a smear campaign ready in case Bernie Sanders [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.
by Roz Warren.Talk about stimulating: Pairing erotica with a vibrator. A French start-up is marketing a Bluetooth-enabled vibrator that’s paired with an erotic Ebook. During the smutty parts, you just tap the screen or shake the device and the vibrator starts right up. “It’s going to generate some buzz,” quipped gadget reviewer Nate Hoffelder in the Digital [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.
by James Israel.Don’t miss the Humor Times anniversary bash, starring comedian Will Durst and featuring a “Short History of the Humor Times” slide show! The Humor Times will be 25 years old in April, and we’re celebrating the landmark silver anniversary on Wednesday, April 13th, 7-9pm at Laughs Unlimited, 1207 Front Street, in old town Sacramento! The [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.
Scalia is dead, but Mitch McConnell is brain dead Antonin Scalia is gone. The nastiest and noisiest of right-wingers on the Supreme Court is dead. But he can’t be any more brain dead than Mitch McConnell, the Republican leader of the U.S. Senate. In a blatantly partisan ploy to prevent President Obama from nominating...
Donald Trump is leaving no stone unturned as he marches his way across the south, preemptively declaring victory in the upcoming Super Tuesday elections. Coming off his big win in South Carolina, Trump should feel confident that he has all but sealed his...
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
by Roger Freed.It all started very normally. It was a usual, quiet evening with the Rock Bottom Remainders setting up their equipment for another gig. OK, actually, the Rock Bottom Remainders are not really so very normal. Their roster is made up of all famous literary and artistic people like Dave Barry the humor writer, Stephen King [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.
There’s a lot of confusion surrounding the Supreme Court with the death of Justice Antonin Scalia. Will Durst is here to help. Q. Has the issue of Justice Antonin Scalia’s replacement on the Supreme Court turned a mite political? A. You could say that. You could also say that flight simulation wind-tunnels are tough on comb-overs.