Political Storm Over Tabloid Claims About Corbyn's 'Disrespectful' Pose in Labour Nude Charity Calender. Party Denies Allegations of Leader Using Poppy to Cover Privates in November Picture.
TheNilAdmirari
WASHINGTON, D.C.--Nearly a billion common houseflies buzzed the nation's capital today to protest a bill that would require flies to show two forms of photo identification when purchasing fly-swatters. The bill, authored by Sen. Patrick Miyagi (D-HI), has passed the Senate and has been sent to President Obama. Proponents of the proposed new law argue…
Television personality Mario Lopez's recent meeting with Dick Cheney may have led authorities to him.
The utterance heard 'round the world points to a common female language of being grossed out.
Expanding upon his recent observation that “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters,” likely GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump added today that if the people he shot were Muslims and Mexicans, he would probably even gain voters.
Manned by an all gay crew, the USS Tennessee Williams is a Virginia-class attack submarine capable of shooting missiles and all sorts of stuff, its Captain Marcelo McGary says.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and renowned xenophobic billionaire Donald Trump threatened to "fire" New Hampshire from America if he did not win the Republican primary there on Tuesday, February 9th. Trump also vowed to fire all of the states he lost during the Republican presidential primaries and caucuses when he became president.
"There seems to be no limit to these corrupting sartorial nightmares," sources say.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a number of Republicans demanded President Obama and his family vacate the White House so the residence could be prepared for the next president. Republicans asserted the whole interior of the White House needed to be repainted, among other things, and such tasks would be much easier if the Obamas were no longer living there.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): Republican presidential candidate and retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson announced today he will keep his promise and marry a horse on September 18th of this year. TNA reported on May 4th that Carson had promised to marry a horse if the Supreme Court made gay marriage legal across the country, which it did yesterday.
The event will cover topics ranging from “Condiments: Curse or Salvation,” “Breads You Have Never Heard Of,” and “Surprising Him with Mortadella.”
An organizer of this year’s Oscar ceremony says they will invite as many black people as possible to avoid the night looking like a Kenny Chesney concert.
The interview was surprising to many policy analysts, who generally consider current events to be dominated by trends favorable to the traditional strengths of the Horsemen.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admiari) - Tonight, psychopathic Iowans - largely of the evangelical persuasion - rallied to deliver Canadian psychopath U.S. Senator Ted Cruz of Texas a win in the state's Republican caucus. The ultra-conservative Iowans barely rejected psychopathic billionaire Donald Trump for lacking the correct mixture of moral superiority and seething bigotry devoid of all empathy.
NEW YORK CITY (The Barbed Wire) - After a crazed gunman killed two people in a Louisiana movie theater during a screening of her movie Trainwreck, comedian Amy Schumer, cousin of Democratic brainiac Senator Chuck Schumer, became the latest celebrity to make a public plea for gun control. At a press conference, she offered her advice for people who find themselves defenseless in a gun-free zone.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-WI-01) confirmed he was just as bad at his job as his predecessor, because the federal government was almost certain to shut down at the end of the week. Ryan asserted he may actually be worse than Boehner due to his over willingness to allow ultra-extreme-right-wing Republicans to have their Teabagger tantrum over Planned Parenthood and Obamacare, and callously harm veterans, the elderly, the poor, at-risk children, the sick and disabled, and many other groups that depend on government assistance simply to survive.
NEWTOWN, CONNECTICUT (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, an American society boasting informed, healthy citizens dismissed the rantings of Sandy Hook conspiracy theorists, who either denied the December 14th, 2012 mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School took place, or asserted it was a false flag operation perpetrated by the federal government as a pretext to seize guns. Americans united against such naked extremism, because their society was not rotting from the inside out due to racial and religious conflicts stoked by the rich and exacerbated by protracted catastrophic economic...
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, TNA released a report following its consultation with Second Amendment experts from every academic corner of the United States regarding the "well regulated militia." The scholars confirmed the Second Amendment was not referring to treasonous militias formed in a friend's backyard to overthrow the government, but well-regulated militias run by state governments.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, TNA released the results of a survey of Donald Trump supporters to discover their primary reason for supporting the billionaire Republican presidential candidate. Just over 93% of the surveyed Trump supporters confessed they wanted "someone cool" to have a few drinks with prior to a busy night of assaulting suspected Muslims, as well as anyone seemingly not white, Christian, and/or American enough.
HOLLYWOOD (The Barbed Wire) - All the controversy surrounding the lack of diversity in the Oscar acting nominations for the second year in a row has caused voters in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to make a couple of last minute changes. Rachel Dolezal has been added to the Best Actress category nominations for her portrayal of a black woman working for the NAACP.