Jessehadden

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ARTISANAL PRESS — Residents of the sanctuary city recall what it was like for cosplayers to fly in, burn their city down, and then leave.

PORTLAND, OR — “These people come here, they take our jobs, they ruin the economy, they bring down the whole neighborhood.”

PORTLAND, OR — Multiple witnesses observe historic procedure.

PORTLAND, OR — City to expand on success of “Tiny Houses for the Homeless” program.

ARTISANAL PRESS — Voice of sanity needed to call-out the hyperbole that is inciting people to violence.

ARTISANAL PRESS — Organizers of Chicago Dyke March admit to expulsion, claim it was a stand against racism & fascism.

PORTLAND, OR — In yet another sign of just how very close Trump's America is to descending into an oppressive Christian theocracy, video has surfaced from Wednesday afternoon of Portland Police attempting to literally wrestle a woman from the driver's seat of her vehicle.

ARTISANAL PRESS — In a stunning victory for academic freedom, Netflix has announced plans to scrub references to "natural selection" from old episodes of the 1990s TV show Bill Nye the Science Guy.

Election MMXVI: The Forced Runoff

RAINIER, OR — Sea lions have taken over the public dock in the small river city of Rainier. And that can mean only one thing: it’s mother f'n time to shoot us some sea lions right in the f'n face!

PORTLAND, OR — The social media community is in mourning, as one of this newspaper’s own contributors, Jess E. Hadden, has gone into hiding. Two weeks ago, he disappeared from Facebook. Now, he’s disappeared from Twitter — and nobody knows how to reach him.

ARTISANAL PRESS — "These 'Mens Rea Activists' can shove it up their asses," says Executive Director of ACLU.

ARTISANAL PRESS — If you’re in the doghouse this Valentine’s Day, then don’t feel too badly. This year, as it turns out, you’ll have some bluechip companionship with you. That’s because of social media fall-out over Google’s decidedly insensitive “Go Ogle” Valentine’s Day greeting, which is one of several randomly-served logos appearing on the search giant’s homepage today.

PORTLAND, OR — A year after tumultuous protests ripped through the United States over an epidemic of lethal police brutality, the left is now championing a bill to protect the names of officers who use lethal force from being reported in the media for as long as 90 days.

ARTISANAL PRESS — Research recently published in a peer-reviewed journal suggests that the latest generation of political radicals in the United States is, itself, undergoing a radical change. Dr. Mike Godwin, behavioral & political scientist at Reed University, claims that a large number of twentysomething radical leftists — many voting for the first or second time in their lives — are getting fat, and changing their voter registration to Democrat.

PORTLAND, OR — "We had no idea the nasty stench that stuff was covering up."

PORTLAND, OR — That's because as of yesterday, Bullseye Glass Co., located at SE 21st & Powell, temporarily ceased the practice of pumping the two toxic carcinogens into the air at dozens of times the maximum safe level.

PORTLAND, OR — Frontrunner mayoral candidate Jessie Sponberg described himself as “basically like if Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders had a baby,” in a prepared speech he gave yesterday in front of the Mt. Tabor reservoirs.

PORTLAND, OR — It’s like a scene from some post-apocalyptic atomic nightmare, from some dystopian science fiction film. But this is no cautionary tale of potentially-avoidable future foibles — this is present-day reality, unfolding right this very afternoon, right here in Portland, OR. And it’s coming down on us just days after people in southern states were themselves sprayed en masse from the sky, with a similar [though plasticine] compound.