A new study has confirmed something women have been complaining about for years. The research, out of the University of Breast Information and published in the current issue of Big Boob Magazine essentially corroborates the belief that people tend to focus more on the breasts and figure of a woman when analyzing her appearance than they do on her face.

A man dressed as a man down the pub has won the Eurovision Song Contest for the first time in 60 years, it was revealed last night.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the largest corporate media outlets in the United States confessed they were purposely ignoring U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont - a Democratic presidential candidate - as much as they could. The corporate media syndicate asserted Sanders was "too serious" about running for president, and his focus on all the negative characteristics of the United States made him "too pessimistic and objective" for an American public that must focus on being afraid of terrorism, conformity to the status quo, celebrity drama, and... Donald Trump.

Clint Eastwood counsels Class of 2015 on the good, the bad and the ugly.

Network dives right into failure instead of waiting around.

ANKARA, TURKEY (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, an anonymous high-ranking source inside the Turkish government informed TNA that Turkey was illegally purchasing oil from small businessmen wearing all-black clothing. The source asserted many of the small businessmen were very likely active members of the Islamic State (ISIS), a charge Turkey quickly denied.

Atlanta, GA – (satireworld.com)

Whenever you hear the left talk about gun control proposals it’s always in the name of ‘common sense’. So we on the right researched the issue and have come up with Gun Control reform that makes common sense, especially after you examine the data on past gun related murders.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles®) - As Barack Obama was speaking at a White House event honoring LGBT Pride Month on Wednesday, a heckler started yelling at the President. The heckler was later identified as Jennicet Gutiérrez, an undocumented transgender immigrant who was protesting deportations under the Obama administration. An immigration group claimed Gutiérrez was a founding member of Familia TQLM…

Twin Falls, ID –  “We see this far too often.  A lovely family having a picnic at the park and, wham, there is a large bear to scare them off.  These bears may sit down and eat the entire picnic or even eat the family.” 

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): Supreme Court Justices Anthony M. Kennedy and Antonin Scalia threw punches at each other earlier today. The brief fistfight between the two erupted in the Court Chamber and involved the Court's 5-4 decision on Obergefell v. Hodges, which effective legalized gay marriage across the country.

The Littlefield Police Department has acquired a 200 kiloton nuclear warhead under a Department of Defense program that distributes surplus weapons to local agencies throughout the country.

If they want to vote YES in the Greek referendum, Greeks, some as old as 107, have been told they must vote 'NAI', which sounds just like 'NAH', according to English speakers.

MADISON, WISCONSIN (The Nil Admirari) - Republican Governor of Wisconsin Scott Walker signed a $73 billion two-year budget today that will establish a feudalistic system throughout the state beginning in January 2016. The budget from the Republican-dominated legislature mandates all residents of Wisconsin who do not make at least $250,000 annually will be serfs tied to specific portions of land owned by a wealthy lord they are legally required to provide labor for.

Tonight, the Fox Business Network will be hosting yet another debate involving the Republican presidential candidates. TNA has identified these 20 questions as the ones most likely to be asked:

1. How weak and pathetic do you think President Barack Obama has been at everything he has done while in the White House? If possible, rank him on a scale of zero to zero.

Much ado about nothing has been made concerning the less-than-shocking revelation that “the bastard prince,” Gov. Bobby Jindal, runs the state of Louisiana by his mobile phone. In a prepared statement, Jindal’s office emphatically repudiated any suggestion that Siri was a counselor in the absent chief’s decision-making process.

FLORIDA (The Barbed Wire) - While most gays are now living a blissful, carefree life since the Supreme Court granted them the right to marry, some people are just never satisfied. This is a true but tragic story and will shake your faith in humanity to the core.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Democratic presidential campaign of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton followed up last night's debate by asserting its candidate would make sure Americans continued to be unable to "have nice things." Secretary Clinton addressed the press this morning and explained her wealthy donors would never allow her to give all Americans healthcare as a human right, effectively regulate the financial sector, solve mass incarceration causes like for-profit prisons and mandatory minimum sentences for drug offenses, and a whole host of other things...

Following scathing criticism for having said “all lives matter” to Black Lives Matter activists, Martin O’Malley has clarified his position about whose lives actually matter.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Texas Rick Perry announced he will be swapping his reading glasses for a monocle and a smoking pipe. The move was characterized by political observers as Perry conceding the reading glasses had failed to make him appear more intelligent to Americans.

KENYA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Kenyan President Uhuru Kenyatta rejected President Obama's assertion "gays are people and deserve equal human rights, not government endorsement and enforcement of intolerant religious-based laws against them." Kenyatta assured the world he was deeply honored to be Obama's host during his visit to Kenya, but claimed "Kenya does not need advice on what to do with its much-hated social deviant homosexual population."