A SELECTION OF OUR MOST PRESTIGIOUS AWARDS

Association of International Frog Worshippers Best Aquarius Prediction, March 2014
Dial-Up Fastest Horoscope Download of the Year, 1994
The Humble John McCain Fellowship Best Prediction Involving Soup In A Horoscope, May 2015

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the results of a TNA survey of registered Republicans who lived in poverty in Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana were released. The numbers showed a staggering 87% of respondents favored cutting taxes for the wealthiest Americans, because they were "job creators" who needed even more money before trickle-down economics could rain money on a collapsing middle class and growing poor population.

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Florida Governor Rick Scott (R) threw his support behind a new voter I.D. bill that aims to be the strictest in the nation. The "Voting Responsibly Bill," or "HB 2016," was introduced by Florida House Speaker Steve Crisafulli (R - District 51) and will only allow a Republican National Committee (RNC) membership card to be an acceptable form of identification for Florida voters.

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  The muppets are back -- bigger, better, smarter and funnier, with a dozen of new cast memebers! The new season of the popular  television series premieres this fall starting Tuesday on ABC. The show will also be available to subscribers of Netflix, Hulu and Direct TV, as…

MENLO PARK, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Today's big news was about Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg's announcement that the social media network is finally bringing in a 'dislike' button after resisting the suggestion from users for many years. The announcement was met with mixed reaction -- many approving but an equal number fearing that the…

Following 'Pig Gate', more animals come forward to claim sexual abuse at hands of senior Tories. Allegations that high level bestiality ring centered on South London city farm suppressed RSPCA investigations.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, the campaign of Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton announced the candidate was under the influence of shrooms when she voiced opposition to the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) yesterday. Hillary Clinton confirmed she ingested "a lot" of shrooms just before claiming she opposed TPP, and confessed it would be ridiculous for Americans to believe such a statement in light of her negotiating and promoting of TPP as Secretary of State - and continuing to promote TPP after resigning.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and retired neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson announced he "wouldn't just stand there" if a nuclear warhead was dropped on him. Carson stated he "didn't care" whether the nuclear warhead "came from Russia or Ethiopa or wherever," because he "would stop it" and not allow himself "to become a victim like all those unarmed Americans who have died in America's plague of mass shootings."

ANGELES CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - The president of the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP)  reiterated the Church’s call for voters not to elect corrupt candidates to office. “Sinners can be forgiven but you cannot forgive the corrupt," Bishop Socrates Villegas said. “If we say that corruption is one of our nation’s deepest scars…

THE KREMLIN (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin announced he was running for the Republican presidential nomination due to how much his policies overlapped with those of the GOP. Putin's announcement elicited immediate gushing from Republicans and the right-wing propaganda networks that have praised Putin's strength and intelligence for years while they condemned President Obama for not starting a war with Russia over regional conflicts.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont requested the Republican-led Select Committee on Benghazi send him a subpoena to answer questions about the September 2012 attack. Sanders asked Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC-04) - the committee's chair - to have him grilled during a hyper-partisan hearing after seeing how the inept Republicans running the kangaroo committee made his presidential opponent former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton stronger.

I make it a rule never to argue with drunks. Not even when I'm drunk myself. But especially not when I'm sober - alcoholic intoxication impairs the ability

BATON ROUGE, Louisiana (The Adobo Chronicles) - Conceding that this is not his time to be president of the United States, Louisiana Governor Bobby (Piyush) Jindal today announced that he was suspending his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination. His campaign strategy since he ran for governor has always been to project himself as a…

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - There were only twenty world leaders  who showed up at the welcome rites for the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation Summit Meeting Wednesday afternoon. There should have been  twenty one. Missing was U.S. President Barack Obama. In a statement explaining Obama's absence, a spokesperson for the U.S. Embassy in Manila said…

Businessmen – what a bunch of scumbags, eh? Yeah, that's right, I'm dissing businessmen, in fact, I'm being anti-business. Heresy, I know, in today's political climate, but the fact is that businessmen and their businesses are no good...

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles ) - A woman in Russia accidentally shot herself in the head with a gun. A Chinese tourist toppled a centuries-old sculpture at the Louvre Museum in Paris. A German pilot de-pressurized a commercial aircraft at an altitude of 29,000 feet when he opened the cockpit window. All in the…

Washington – Talks in Washington are hot and heavy about getting rid of the penny as part of the US currency.  

If we want to improve this place we call home, simply quit talking about Bobby Jindal.

Kingwood, WV – Dwayne Bozeman had a lousy day at work.  By all accounts, one of his worst ever.  Dwayne fights pesky insects for a living and takes great pride in his ability to clear the world of termites, cockroaches, and ants from innocent homeowners.  The insects won, on this day, and Dwayne was none to happy about it.

Major Tim Peake entered the Space Station with thumbs skywards even though up there skywards was downwards. But in spite of the sky confusion all went well and endless messages from the Space Station are expected in the coming six months.