FORT SCOTT, KANSAS — Drake LaRoche was told by his middle school principal today that he will be expelled from school if…

Explaining that Jesus is too valuable a property to enter the heart of "every loser with his putz in a wringer," the Lord God Almighty warned that Jesus would be entering fewer hearts this year; and he would not be doing back-to-backs, i.e., entering two hearts in consecutive minutes.

According to the Academic Scientists Society of America, there are ten scientifically proven ways to tell if you are a big fat dummy.

Blogger Donald “Scallop” Johnston has recommended that readers make sure to keep checking back daily for his takes on the best healthy alternatives to traditional wisdom when it comes to food, general health and exercise.

"Screw the pooch" is a gateway expression that leads to other, more disgusting, expressions like "doggy style," "shoot the puppy," or "dead dog bounce."

Whatever her name is, she’s the only person under 30 out there who gets it. Everything she says is spot-on. Plus, she’s easy on the eyes.

National Poisoned Cha-Cha Day, when the war between the sexes took a turn for the grim after a woman in Sao de Jose Rio Preto, Brazil, had tried to kill her husband by putting a poisonous substance in her vagina and then asking him if he fancied a box lunch.
.

For unsuspecting residents of senior living community Silver Eagle Estates in Kingman, Arizona, it seemed too crazy to be believed: the quiet, unassuming couple next door had turned out to be gay.

Bi Visibility Day is the single day each year where bisexuals take on a physical form so that they can be seen by others. The rest of the year they remain cloaked so as to avoid any unnecessary confrontation.

Troubled wide receiver Antonio Brown was carted off to a mental hospital today, earning a polite round of applause from many across the country.

The new plan comes on the back of Jeremy Corbyn’s decisive victory over Owen Smith in the now annual Labour leadership battle.

Tracking of your mobile phone to show up unexpectedly and discuss unpaid balances is just one of the ways we're here for you.

WASHINGTON D.C. (The Barbed Wire) - Getting his expected presidential run off to a gaffe-tastic start today, Vice-President Joe Biden confused supporters when he announced that he was running for Speaker of the House, instead of seeking the presidency.

Gavin Whitley, owner of Rainbows and Spoonicorns, explained the comforting game this way: “Spooning, also known as ‘knocking at the back door,’ ‘gateway hugging,’ and ‘jetpacking,....

Blountstown, Florida – (satireworld.com)
Residents and authorities in in the sleepy panhandle town of Blountstown, Florida, have been on high alert since a resident reported seeing two “creepy clowns” staring at her from across a road as she walked her dog. Calhoun County Sheriff deputies are concerned after it emerged that a Facebook viral video, depicting a clown standing silently on the side of the road in the dark, had been filmed along a main thoroughfare in the area.

A viral video that shows a social justice warrior berating a hippie for wearing dreadlocks while an effete hipster impassively looks on has divided the public about which person featured in the video is the most idiotic.

Top crime figures demand government lift lockdown to facilitate their members. Robberies, burglaries and street crimes at a standstill due to anti-Covid measures. Crime unions claim fewer people at home and more potential victims on the streets needed to kickstart UK crime.

ARIES Mar 20 - Apr 19

Levitation, mind control and speed eating are all highly starred this month, and Jupiter is currently pondering the merits of taking control of your stomach around the 17th.

Periods of bed rest are highly starred, as are moments of stand up quarreling, especially now you can (temporarily) read your boss's mind. Tuesday may be the best time to ask for a raise...

Atlantic Beach, SC – (SatireWorld.com)

Financially bankrupt, politically corrupt, and dysfunctional Atlantic Beach, SC has pulled out all the stops this year to insure that the annual ‘Black Bike Week’ is not only successful, but finally turns a ‘profit’ by naming the First Couple as Honorary Marshals of the motorcycle festival for 2016.

A shocking new investigation into the origins of COVID-19 has revealed that the deadly virus was in fact engendered by deviant sex acts perpetrated by Dr. Anthony Fauci and Hillary Clinton on a hybrid wolf-man late last year.