In related news: kids caught playing twister in tornado alley.

Remember Trump-the-candidate fulminating against these very Wall Street elites? Of all the economic pain in America that Washington ought to be relieving, what group would you choose as the top priority? Public opinion surveys consistently reveal that the great majority of us say that people on the lower rungs of the economic ladder...

Muppets vow if Grover is sent to Guantanamo, they will “unleash the furry.” Full Grover coverage here. Tell your Congressman, “Let my Muppets go!”

Newark, NJ—Scientists believe they have discovered evidence of the delusional particle responsible for a long list of misunderstood political scandals. Currently many false political narratives are only visible to republicans under the influence of AM radio or Fox News. Physicists at Newark’s Large Propaganda Taxsinkrotron collided a particle of feces with a particle of Newtrino. Physicist, Dr. Ramenoodledan, explains,…

The butt bump may just be the safest greeting of all New research findings just released from the CDC show that the “butt bump” may be the safest way to greet other people. The CDC conducted a large-scale experiment to determine how to reduce the transmission of a number of viruses, including rhinoviruses responsible for...

Shady Acres Retirement Home—Dr. Henry Heimlich was in the news earlier this week after saving a fellow retirement home tenant from choking. More details of the incident are emerging that throw the famous anti-choke artist into a decidedly different light. According to witnesses, before Mr. Heimlich was able to eject the goods, a Lemony Snicket-like series of…

Airbnb CEO Brian Chesky told the Discord today that his company is in direct negotiations with the White House. The most successful peer-to-peer home rental company is now trying to partner with government for what they are describing as some prime unoccupied real estate. “When we think Trump appointees, we envision a lot of space,” said Chesky, “so why not…

Will Martha Stewart become Head of the Department of Interior?

Enough with the old tired slogans – here are some bumper stickers we can relate to.   PLEASE – JUST HOLD THE ELECTION NOW AND GET IT OVER WITH! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE! – Did anyone else notice that we ultimately are allowed only two choices? – I turned on the TV and...

While Philadelphia is not considered the epitome of the bon vivre, it is nonetheless responsible for some goodies we enjoy today, and not just Philly Steak. After all, the Constitution, Ben Franklin and Freedom of the Press got their starts there, as did the Queen of the Philadelphia...

  Flint, MI—At the Democratic debate last night Hillary Clinton clearly felt the Bern. Leading up to this debate, Bernie Sanders was under increased scrutiny to provide more details when answering questions. In a move no one saw coming, the longest serving Senator wowed the audience with scenes from Hamlet and other Shakespearean classics. When Hillary attacked Sanders for failing…

In an under-reported story Trump berated as ‘fake news,’ astonished onlookers witnessed the first-ever turkey pardoning of a president. According to witnesses, in an unusual turnaround at the annual Turkey Pardoning festivity...

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

In the wake of the #MeToo environment that society now finds itself, many progressive parents are opting to spare their potential politicians from a lifetime of needless allegations. It’s safe, it’s easy, and it’s guaranteed to keep your future leader scandal free, or your money back! In a world where any touch can be perceived as a bad one, even decades…

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

Flagstaff, AZ—Maloney’s Pub, located in historic downtown Flagstaff, has been a local favorite for many NAU college students unfamiliar with the taste of good beer. The origins of the smell—which patrons describe as a stale uriney, frat-style vomit—remained a mystery, until now… ISIS marketing coordinator Abdul Abdul Abdullah explains, “Radicalized odors are all part of…

Washington, DC—Special Prosecutor, Robert Mueller, the man assigned to investigate President Trump’s possible obstruction of justice was last seen reluctantly entering a limousine outside of the downtown DC Hooters on 7th Street. Eye witnesses claim several of Trump’s security detail surrounded Mueller, while mindlessly chanting “make a America great again” over and over again. One passerby claims Mr. Mueller was…