The nearly constant gesticulation of Sen. Bernie Sanders generates roughly the same power consumed by a small American community, according to researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

Portsmouth (UK) – (satireworld.com)

Doctors at Queen Alexandra Hospital have used 3-D printing technology to replace most of a man’s missing skull in an innovative procedure which included using simple Super Glue in a process that is sure to revolutionize orthopedic surgery.

The groundbreaking surgery occurred last week, when 85 percent of a patient’s skull was replaced with an implant from an Oxford Performance Materials 3-D printer and a tube of Super Glue found in a tool box left by a plumber who was fixing a clogged drain under the operating table.

After years of intensive research, scientists are positive that despised GOP frontrunner Ted Cruz and equally despised former prosecutor Ken Kratz might are the same person it was announced last night.

After a number of chocolate bar brands have been withdrawn from sale following the discovery of plastic parts in the sweetmeats, Police have appealed for help to capture of the suspects. In a statement, Scotland Yard said: ‘We will not Fudge the issue; these kinds of people are Bournvillains, and this one Mingles with some...

In related news, Trust Fund Freddie contracted Silver Spoonorrhea.

Scalia is dead, but Mitch McConnell is brain dead Antonin Scalia is gone. The nastiest and noisiest of right-wingers on the Supreme Court is dead. But he can’t be any more brain dead than Mitch McConnell, the Republican leader of the U.S. Senate. In a blatantly partisan ploy to prevent President Obama from nominating...

An eighth-grader from Colorado has found a way to instantly stop other kids from bullying him: wear a t-shirt from a local martial arts academy.

NEW YORK — New York Knicks head coach Kurt Rambis called a full timeout with 1:49 left in his team’s 27-point loss to th…

Berlin, Germany-(satireworld.com)

A recently discovered trove of unseen secret documents dating from the Nazi era, disclosed a secret many allied intelligence services overlooked. Now for the first time read about Hitler's most secret medical ailment and how it affects a small bar in San Francisco.

Thanks to a bold marketing stroke, Salvation Springs College in Texas may solve its precarious financial future while simultaneously scoring a diplomatic coup with the government of Saudi Arabia.

DALY CITY, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) - Daylight Saving Time (DST) could be a thing of the past in California, if a bill introduced by Assemblymember Kansen Chu (D-San Jose) is approved by the state Legislature. AB 2496 would keep California on Pacific Standard Time year-round. Chu says there is no evidence DST reduces…

Despite his emphatic victory in Nevada there are signs that the gruelling campaign for the Republican nomination is beginning to take its toll on Donald Trump. Addressing supporters at a victory rally Trump appeared to confuse the list of upcoming primaries with the towns mentioned in the popular rhythm and blues standard ‘Route 66′. ‘We’ve...

Federalsburg, MD—Thirteen bald eagles were found dead in eastern Maryland today. Some are theorizing this was a suicide pact as witnesses describe the birds as “flying directly into American flags like kamikazes.” It is believed one eagle from each of the original 13 colonies flew to Maryland as part of a suicide pact to protest Donald Trump’s current success…

Donald Trump is leaving no stone unturned as he marches his way across the south, preemptively declaring victory in the upcoming Super Tuesday elections. Coming off his big win in South Carolina, Trump should feel confident that he has all but sealed his...

RAINIER, OR — Sea lions have taken over the public dock in the small river city of Rainier. And that can mean only one thing: it’s mother f'n time to shoot us some sea lions right in the f'n face!

PORT ST. LUCIE, FLA — New York Mets pitcher Bartolo Colon arrived at the team’s spring training facility yesterday and d…

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - This week, Singapore Archbishop William Goh has said that it is the Catholics' moral obligation not to support those who denigrate and insult religions, including anti-Christian and immoral values promoted by the secular world.  He made the statement in reference to Madonna's upcoming  'Rebel Heart' concert. "There is no…

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-CT), wore her ‘Black Sabbath Best’ to the Bernie Saunders’ fundraising photo opportunity with other Democratic women of the House to highlight the historic diversity of the House Democratic Caucus in Congress and celebrate the increased number of women joining the Democratic Caucus.

Were Successive Nazi, Soviet and US Attempts to Create 'Dead Sexy' Soldiers Capable of Using Sexual Energies to Remotely Kill Inspired by Secret Buddhist Priesthood? Did President Kennedy Fall Prey to Russian 'Sex Assassin'?

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a number of Republicans demanded President Obama and his family vacate the White House so the residence could be prepared for the next president. Republicans asserted the whole interior of the White House needed to be repainted, among other things, and such tasks would be much easier if the Obamas were no longer living there.