It turns out that I’m not the only person who dreams about her job at the library. I work at the circulation desk at a suburban library. I recently had a dream in which one of our most challenging patrons apologized for being such a nuisance, then meekly paid all her fines.

The detailed report claims that the deceased musical genius had levels of funk in his bloodstream way beyond the norm and that his flamboyance count was off the charts.

Shrieking in terror in the morning is normal for many Americans but waking up and seeing Trump’s face when you look in the mirror is not.

The Centers for Disease Control is warning students at Morgan Peppercock High School not to have sex with Laura Mishler, a recently transferred junior from Landry School District in Harrington.

Oxford, Alabama (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - A small Alabama city has passed an ordinance making it illegal for transgender people to use public restrooms that don't correspond to the biological sex listed on their birth certificate. Oxford Council President Steven Waits said the ordinance, passed Tuesday, is in response to Target's new restroom policy. The retail…

In a press conference only slightly more unusual than the norm for The Donald, Trump had the cardboard cutout wheeled out on stage and proclaimed it to be infinitely better qualified for the job of Vice President, as well as considerable better looking than Carly Fiorina.

Donald Trump is considering Cap'n Crunch as his running mate after weeks of Crunch providing him with superior foreign policy advice.

South Yorkshire Police has admitted responsibility for everything that has ever been wrong with the great city of Liverpool and the cheeky little scallywags who call it home. The police will also retrospectively apologise for any other grievances Liverpudlians may remember or dream up in future.

Last week we already called Trump …an asshole.

Today, Republican presidential candidate and fascism-friendly billionaire Donald Trump dominated primary elections in Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island. In all five states, he also won the support of nearly 80% of...

The findings were unearthed as hype for the all-female led cast of the new GhostBusters movie begins in earnest. Many have cried foul over the central premise of the plot, citing that women couldn’t realistically handle the rigours of fighting phantoms.

AUSTIN (The Barbed Wire) - Donald Trump is feeling great these days after sweeping victories in five northeast states, and creeping closer to the magic number of 1237 delegates that are needed to secure the Republican nomination. However, Republican National Chair Reince Priebus says, "Not so fast."

"The announcement that Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina are running mates really surprised me. Now I am more confused than anything, and the rest of the country is right there with me," explained Republican strategist Mark Kinness.

SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) - Long before the Republican presidential field narrowed down to the last three candidates standing, The Adobo Chonicles reported on a short-lived affair between Senator Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina.  Back then, we predicted that if Cruz becomes the GOP presidential nominee, he would appoint Carly…

Main Street USA – (SatireWorld.com)

Seymour Twat still likes a few beers with the guys before hitting the streets once again in search of a job. Is he totally unhappy? No, Twat says girls always ask him how close does he have to get to really see it! It confuses him a great deal.
Down on Main Street USA, good jobs are in short supply, but nothing compares to the anxiety of a local man named Seymour Twat. For over 20 years Twat has sent out resume after resume only to receive those dreaded…’We’ll get back with you’ letters.

“I don’t understand it. I’ve sent out over 250,000 resumes to t

Simi Valley, CA-(satireworld.com)

The Ronald Reagan Library released previously unseen photos of a young Ronald Reagan holding an infant who’s no other than baby Joe Biden, the future vice-president of the United States.

Cape Hatteras, NC- (satireworld.com)

A U.S. Navy ship sunk during WWII has been found and the surviving crew of 18 sailors were rescued 20 miles off Cape Hatteras, N.C. says Coast Guard Commander Nelson Putty, who helped several of the emaciated sailors onto a rescue helicopter while camera crews filmed the daring transfer.

"He used to sweep the sidewalk with a broom. Now he uses that thing," says neighbor.

Our readers' incredible stories of celebrity sex encounters! Did Rod Hull and Emu engage in a kinky three-in-a-bed romp? Did a young hippie really 'duke the Duke' in 1973?

Crisp salesman Gary Lineker has been awarded the 2016 Nobel Prize in Economics for his divorce equation. ‘The key variables are how long you’ve been married, how many fit birds you meet per week and whether you’re a bit bored. I’m working on a combined dating, marriage and divorce app which turns every quickie into a quickie divorce,’ he said.