To increase the chances of the outgoing Speaker landing on their staff roster, lobbying groups are competing in the luxury hankie arena for the day Boehner hits the ground sobbing.

"But how many Chinese people jumping together on it strong is the bridge? You call this reporting?" Jessie Krufts, Geographer

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and retired neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson announced he "wouldn't just stand there" if a nuclear warhead was dropped on him. Carson stated he "didn't care" whether the nuclear warhead "came from Russia or Ethiopa or wherever," because he "would stop it" and not allow himself "to become a victim like all those unarmed Americans who have died in America's plague of mass shootings."

Luxembourg propeller planes bombed Syria today, joining a long and growing list of nations to have done so this year.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she would wag her dominate index finger at every Wall Street CEO to attend a fundraising dinner this evening in East Hampton, New York. Clinton declared her wagging finger would put the corruption of Wall Street on notice, and prevent another economic crisis just like her "cut it out" discussion with Wall Street in December 2007 averted the 2008 economic crisis.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, staffers representing most of the Republican presidential candidates met to discuss the demands they will make of all future debates, but the meeting quickly focused on ponies. Staffers agreed every candidate should have a debate animal to sit on, and a majority of the presidential campaigns voted for debate ponies.

HAVE YOU EVER worried that not enough data is being collected on you? That collection is too limited in its scope and doesn’t really capture the whole experience that is you with a capital Y? I mean you are building a life story here, playing the lead in the movie of your life, and finally the seats of the theatre are full—but...

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, President Obama announced the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) - a massive multinational trade deal the president intends to sign - will protect the freedom of all Americans to not afford life-saving medicines. Instead, TPP will allow pharmaceutical companies to make more blood money by allowing them to keep longer patents on their drugs, and almost indefinitely prevent critical, far more affordable generic drugs from entering the American market.

Following a deadly shootout among five rival motorcycle gangs at a Twin Peaks restaurant in Waco, TX, the head of the Hooters restaurant chain reminded Americans that they can still eat subpar food served by garishly sluttified women in relative safety at his company’s eateries.

Washington, D.C. –  Feeling the wrath of the American public waking up momentarily to see how dumb Carly Fioina and Ben Carson really are, the two have announced a bold move to inject their campaigns full of life again.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - Citing a major conflict of interest, Justice Anthony Kennedy said today that he will be recusing himself from further deliberations and the eventual vote by the Supreme Court as it prepares to issue a landmark decision on gay marriage in the United States. The Supreme Court is expected to rule…

Cambridge, MA – Having sex just got more expensive. Dynapork Corporation of Cambridge has been granted a patent on the process of "biological reproduction," and plans to charge licensing fees for any human wishing to engage in a "sexual act that may result in reproduction."

Hollywood Stars Declare War on ISIS in Retaliation for Terrorists Continued Failure to Acknowledge their Cultural Significance by Not Attacking Los Angeles. Claim latest Attacks in Paris Have Caused Extreme Trauma to their Egos.

Jeremy, Sunny, and David Vitrano discuss Mayor Kip Holden's unorthodox grammar before surprise guest Jeramaine Jingles drops by.

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA  (The Adobo Chronicles) - It's payback time for Donald Trump! When the 2015 Miss Universe Beauty Pageant unfolds at the Planet Hollywood resort in Las Vegas on December 20, there will be fewer contestants and none of the traditional top contenders and title holders. It is the biggest boycott of the pageant,…

Spoof horoscopes - June 2015

A SELECTION OF OUR MOST PRESTIGIOUS AWARDS

Hog Huggers Horoscope Of The Millennium So Far
Marsupials Daily, Most Accurate Horoscope, March 2013
Anti Swearing League Horoscope Of The Year Special Mention For Not Cursing, July 2014
Water Slider Horoscope Of The Year 2014
'Funny Horoscope Best Read With Raspberry Jelly-Jam At Breakfast Award' From 'The Toast For Breakfast Jelly-Jam Association' 2013 (also runner up in the 'Blackcurrant Jelly-Jam' category and highly commended in both the Strawberry Jelly-Jam and Marmalade sections)

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We scour the web for the political humor videos so you don't have to. No tasteless junk here, just the good stuff. Laugh and enjoy this humor video gallery.

"When he takes that white vest off he'll have a white shaped vest shape on his tanned body. Phnarf."

In my 15 years working as a librarian, I've learned that we do plenty of things for our patrons that aren't in our job descriptions. By Roz Warren.

RALEIGH, N.C. (TheSkunk.org) – The North Carolina legislature passed a bill today allowing public employees to deny services to Jews. The “Freedom to Ignore Jews Act” goes into effect immediately, and it prevents civil servants from facing prosecution for refusing to do anything for Jewish people.