Parting ways with the superstar Zhao, who is still 21 years shy of his 60th birthday, seems incongruous with program schemes employed by SDSO Conductor Bill Conti, which have relied heavily on Zhao as the cornerstone of the string section since 2007.

PENSACOLA, FLORIDA (The Nil Admirari) - Today, avid Fox News viewer and Glenn Beck listener Nora Jolly declared she was outraged no one was stopping her from saying "Merry Christmas." Jolly - a casual church-goer who prefers to converse with God directly - told TNA she actively attempted to start multiple fights with unfortunate cashiers and other consumers at well-known department stores near her home, and no one told her she could not use the Christmas pleasantry.

Yelp launched DreamYelp.com today, a new website that will allow users to evaluate businesses they patronize in their dreams.

RALEIGH, N.C. (TheSkunk.org) – The North Carolina legislature passed a bill today allowing public employees to deny services to Jews. The “Freedom to Ignore Jews Act” goes into effect immediately, and it prevents civil servants from facing prosecution for refusing to do anything for Jewish people.

New York NY-(satireworld.com)

General Original Products (GOP) Inc, headquartered in the Trump Towers in Manhattan, has announced that a limited addition of Obama Clocks is now available for sale to the American public.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and loose cannon billionaire Donald Trump declared he was very afraid U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont - a Democratic presidential candidate - will steal his supporters away by offering Americans actual solutions to the issues they are so angry and frustrated about. Trump criticized Sanders for attempting to expose him as the billionaire fraud he actually was, and giving Americans rational alternatives to punitive non-solutions based on hate and fear.

THE HAGUE (The Barbed Wire) - The latest power rankings are out for the world of terrorism and there is a new sheriff in town. For the first time in the organization's history, terror group ISIS has garnered the top spot, unseating perennial favorite Al-Qaeda.

A new case study shows that squeezing into skinny jeans may make you look fat. The Journal of Neurology, Neurosurgery and Psychiatry reported on Tuesday that doctors should take note and relay the information to their patients. The urgent message came after a woman in her mid-30s wearing skinny jeans took a look at herself in the mirror and didn't recognize the person staring back at her.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles ® ) - The mainstream media have a tendency to whitewash news events that happen in The White House. But not us.  We report the news exactly the way it happened. When Obama was heckled during an LGBT event at The White House by a transgender Latina woman who admits being…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Congressional Republicans announced they would use American tax dollars to build new schools when the buildings could be dropped on people and explode. Republicans were unwilling to even discuss funding the construction of any new schools until they could meet the needs of perpetual war.

The Department of Homeland Security is asking the public to stop spreading images of hybrid Confederate-LGBT rainbow flags.

As temperatures continue to rise around the country this week, the Supreme Court's June 26th ruling in favor of gay marriage already appears to be causing observable effects on the environment, many experts say.

NEW YORK CITY (The Barbed Wire) - The Donald announced today that because he was tired of listening to all the crap in the media about Hillary Clinton's inevitability in 2016, he has called the media's bluff and paid enough voters to back him - they're now all under contract to do so.

SAN ANTONIO, Texas (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - If you've ever been stopped at a sobriety checkpoint, you know what the police officer will have you do to test if you've been driving under the influence. Step out of your car, point to your nose, walk a straight line, recite the alphabet backwards and so on.…

GREECE (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, all Greeks who lived outside the capital of Athens decided it was time to break into the city-state model again to show the complete lack of cultural and political unity in Greece. The announcement was made by the Greek people in response to the Syriza government in Athens betraying Greeks by agreeing to a harsh bailout from the European Union (EU).

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Fox News claimed it had obtained semi-credible evidence the Islamic State completed a base on the moon, and would attack America "imminently, and at any moment." Right-wing blogger and renowned pot stirrer Pamela Geller claimed she received a Facebook friend request from "Muhammad Moon Base 1" this morning, which she claimed contained the threat to America.

NEW YORK CITY (The Barbed Wire) - Because of his thoughtless comments about senator John McCain being captured during the Vietnam war, Republican Party Chairman, Reince Priebus, has ordered that presidential candidate Donald Trump be held in a broom closet for one year to learn some empathy for what Mr. McCain went through.

GOP newcomer Racist Gorilla has taken a commanding lead over all his Republican rivals just one week after announcing his candidacy for president, every major national poll now indicates.

HONG KONG  (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Grammy award-winning singer Chris Brown was finally  allowed to leave the Philippines after a three-day delay due to a fraud complaint against him for a cancelled concert last New Year’s Eve. Brown was in Manila Tuesday for a sold-out concert . The 26-year-old R&B artist had been stuck in…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Former Governor of Arkansas and Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee announced today he much preferred Hitler to Obama, because Hitler "got good stuff done." Huckabee's remarks followed his scathing criticism of the nuclear deal President Obama brokered with Iran during which he stated Obama and Iran "will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven."