Pushing back against FBI demands that Apple provide access to the iPhone of dead San Bernardino terrorist Syed Farook, Apple CEO Tim Cook is set to announce the launch of a new mobile terror platform, tentatively nicknamed iJihad, later this week.

SIMI VALLEY, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Last July, Treasury Secretary Jack Lew announced plans for a redesign of the $10 bill, marking the first time in more than a century that a woman will be featured on a U.S. bill. The newly designed $10 bill will be issued by 2020—in time for the 100th anniversary…

Having finally laid to rest their classic horror monsters by pitching them against Abbott and Costello in a series of cheap B-movies, Universal Pictures, desperate to prop up the dire duo’s film career, turned their attention to another of their best loved franchises - Sherlock Holmes.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - No one will ever know what Speaker John Boehner discussed with Pope Francis during a private meeting at the Capitol prior to the Pontiff's speech before a joint session of the U.S. Congress on Thursday. Sources close to the Republican leader are only saying that Boehner sought advice from…

Suffolk, VA – Huey Viggers has released his manifesto, of sorts, via youtube video.  He wears a large pair of plastic lips because he believes that it is his teeth that truly give away his identity.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the White House refused to confirm reports the United States military had started to slowly back away from Syria immediately after Russia started airstrikes in the war-torn country. President Obama declared he "really hoped" brutal Syrian President Bashar al-Assad would not be saved by his Russian ally President Putin, but also confessed, "it would not be the worst thing in the world if Russia was left holding the bag in Syria."

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Republican presidential campaign of former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush announced Jeb would wear a shock collar "to prevent him from speaking, which is not in his best interest if he wants to win the White House." The transition to a "nonverbal campaign" followed a rising slew of insensitive, politically tone deaf comments that showed Jeb to be completely out of touch with reality, and the majority of the American people.

A judge in California has ordered the clothing company American Apparel to sell off its more than 300 half-naked teenage models as part of a restructuring agreement with lenders.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Fox News loose canon Bill O'Reilly stated the government giving corporations "free stuff" was patriotic, but the government giving the American people "free stuff" was "absolute socialism" and "outrageously anti-American." O'Reilly presented his "fair and balanced" strongly held, fact-challenged insights on "free stuff" during the entertainment network's morning show "Fox & Friends," and railed against Democrats in general, and Hillary Clinton and "that terrible socialist" Bernie Sanders, specifically.

HONOLULU, Hawaii (The Adobo Chronicles ) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump may be having a dose of his own medicine, thanks to Native Hawaiians who want the real estate mogul evicted from Waikiki. All of Hawaii's land of course belonged to the Native Hawaiians before the Americans overthrew the Monarchy in 1893 and annexed the…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC-04) - chairman of the eighth Select Committee on Benghazi - announced his lawyers had instructed him to begin practicing the phrase "I plead the Fifth." The legal advice followed allegations Gowdy may have violated federal law when he fired Benghazi investigator Maj. Bradley Podliska - an active member of the Air Force Reserve who criticized Gowdy's investigation for focusing primarily on Hillary Clinton - and may have violated federal law again when he tried to discredit Podliska by releasing confidential information...

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI-01) officially lost the Republican contest to not be Speaker of the United States House of Representatives. Speaker Ryan garnered 236 votes to succeed John Boehner (R-OH-01), and declared his defeat to what he described as "one of the most shameful American legislative bodies in our history" prior to threatening all of America with what was to come.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the White House announced it planned to indiscriminately bomb "way more" civilian targets in the Middle East than it had been prior to the terrorist attacks in Paris last night. President Obama explained air strikes that resulted in significant collateral damage were "the only way" to show the West's enemies that targeting civilians outside of the Middle East was completely unacceptable.

Whispering a prayer for the victims of Friday’s attacks in Paris, Facebook user Nicole Dalton has solemnly removed the blue, white and red filter from her photo, a feature of her profile since Saturday.

Ultra-wealthy actress had no idea her luxury T.V. spot for EA might rankle the rank and file.

SEEKONK, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a Massachusetts man who identified himself as "a hugely patriotic American" accused President Obama of acting like Hitler for forcing states to take Syrian refugees fleeing from the Islamic State. Thomas Basil, a construction worker and married father of two, subsequently told TNA he supported the idea of forcing Muslims in the United States to wear badges that identify them as Muslims - an idea endorsed by Republican presidential candidate and loose cannon billionaire Donald Trump.

SEEKONK, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a small government Republican declared he was outraged by the rising costs of prescription drugs in the United States. Thomas Basil, a construction worker and married father of two, blamed big government for too much regulation and taxation, and asserted allowing the free market to regulate itself was the only way to remedy the problem of expensive prescription drugs.

Jihadist group ISIS have claimed responsibility for the huge turd which recently brought Brussels to a standstill. Belgian authorities declare 'Code Brown' as Jihadist 'Shit to Kill' tactics hit Metro.

U.S. Army and Marine units have been using their drones in airborne cock fights, to settle rivalries and bets. And no one is complaining.

College Park, MD – “Hey honey, you’ve got to come see this,” yelled Jamie Grundwald out the front door of his neighbor’s house.  “Get over here quick.  This is hilarious!”