WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and renowned xenophobic billionaire Donald Trump threatened to "fire" New Hampshire from America if he did not win the Republican primary there on Tuesday, February 9th. Trump also vowed to fire all of the states he lost during the Republican presidential primaries and caucuses when he became president.

Boston, MA –  Last week, the great city of Boston was site to the annual PETA national conference.  You’d figure with so many radicals with a common purpose in one place, there would be nothing but agreement happening all over the place.

SEVASTOPOL, CRIMEA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Russian Television (RT) announced President Vladimir Putin had discovered the ancient lost city of Atlantis only 60 kilometers away from the Black Sea port city of Sevastopol. Putin was engaged in a routine provocative visit to the disputed territory of Crimea when he decided to use his master explorer skills to find Atlantis.

CRAWFORD, TEXAS (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier this morning, Former President George W. Bush ignored Republican pleas to pretend he didn't exist and publicly endorsed his brother Jeb for the Republican presidential nomination. The former president gave a press conference from his Crawford, Texas ranch and urged Americans to support Jeb, because "he is a good doobie who will be just like me."

Local cats could be about to start talking just like a cat on Youtube, below, in what could be their biggest evolutionary step so far as they start to pick up vocabulary from locals.

Taylor Swift has taken it upon herself to offer Kanye assistance by sending Kanye a package of soon to expire coupons in hopes that it will alleviate some of his financial concerns.

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia returned to the bench today after dying February 13th to rule against Obamacare's mandate that religious-sponsored corporations must allow their employees access to contraception through their health insurance.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Congressional Republicans thanked the millions of misinformed voters who think they know stuff for giving them control of Congress and making the upcoming October government shutdown possible. Fox News and other right-wing propaganda outlets were also acknowledged for feeding Republican voters a steady, poisonous diet of misinformation that turned them into voters who were more dangerous than uninformed voters.

HOLLYWOOD, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Is it film imitating life, or life imitating film? Following Monday's earth-shattering announcement by NASA that scientists have discovered flowing water -- ergo, life -- on Mars, the space agency unveiled its new spaceship  scheduled to head for the red planet in mid- 2016, with human crew members. In addition…

SYRIA (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Syrian civilians who have not fled their war-torn country declared they largely did not know what air strikes were "friendly" and what air strikes were "hostile." They also explained Russia's bombing of Syria had made identifying whether civilians were being killed by a "friendly air strike" or a "hostile air strike" even more difficult.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and billionaire Donald Trump announced the formation of Brownshirts for Trump, an elite club for his most enthusiastic supporters. The Republican frontrunner explained members of the Brownshirts will wear brown shirts and engage in political outreach operations - mainly at night - to interact with non-Trump supporters, those with "anti-American political ideas," and "anyone who doesn't look American."

FLORIDA (The Barbed Wire) - In a final effort to pump up his floundering poll numbers, Jeb! Bush has hired the Hillary Clinton campaign team to oversee a relaunch of his campaign. Since the Clinton team has relaunched Hillary's campaign six times in six months, Jeb! figured they were the right people for the job.

Bangor, ME – The largest and most successful drug retailing chain in the United States is facing controversy in one of its potential markets for growth.  There are several Walgreens stores already in the state of Maine and expansion has looked very promising.  

HAVE YOU EVER worried that not enough data is being collected on you? That collection is too limited in its scope and doesn’t really capture the whole experience that is you with a capital Y? I mean you are building a life story here, playing the lead in the movie of your life, and finally the seats of the theatre are full—but...

Evel Knievel, born Bob Knievel, has been mentioned by some as one of the greatest American icons of the 1970′s. He entered the motorcycle hall of fame after he was already dead and he remains dead today.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Islamic State (ISIS) announced many prominent Republican politicians - including many GOP presidential candidates - will receive cash bonuses for exceeding ISIS's recruiting goals. The Islamic State explained Republican opposition to Syrian refugees being allowed into the United States was "a wonderful way" to help the religious-extremist organization recruit even more Syrian civilians, who were essentially being held hostage inside their own country.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, President Obama designated the National Rifle Association (NRA) a Domestic Terrorist Organization and instructed the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) to destroy the highly organized terror network "for waging a campaign of terror on the American people." Both DHS and the FBI - who have been warning of right-wing terrorism for years - have already raided NRA Headquarters in Fairfax, Virgina, and arrested key members of the organization they hope will help lead them to NRA leader Wayne Lapierre.

LEVITTOWN, Pennsylvania (The Adobo Chronicles) - Earlier this week, The Adobo Chronicles reported that it was raining spiders in Goulburn, Australia. It seems the Aussies had it much better than residents of Pennsylvania, U.S.A. A Levittown family says their daughter's Sweet 16 birthday party was ruined when a passing airplane dropped human waste on the celebration Sunday evening. Joe…

Hoping to grab the eye of Memorial Day shoppers, fashion mogul Pacific Sun released a t-shirt today with an upside down American flag on it.  If only they had known the shelling from angry Internet shoppers they were about to receive.  Or did they?  One such Internet rioter says the t-shirt maker knew exactly what they were doing.

DORAL, Florida (The Adobo Chronicles) -The True Invisible Empire Traditionalist American Knights of the Ku Klux Klan describes itself as an Order of the Highest Class for White Christian Men of Intelligence and Character. It is one of many current unnconnected groups that use the KKK name. The Ku Klux Klan (KKK), or simply "the Klan",…