MPs of all parties have stated their ‘disappointment’ that the EU roaming charge decision hadn’t been made before the Article 50 vote. ‘If I’d known that roaming charges would be stopped I might have voted against the government,’ said Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, stating he often phoned ‘someone in Europe – or Russia, whatever’. Conservative...
Savers have been applauding the government’s decision to guarantee a further £10,000 per saving account, up to a maximum of £85,000 per account, as a result in the fall of the Pound to the Euro. “For years we’ve been sailing close to the wind,” said Tom Edmunds today, claiming he’d stopped depositing in his bank...
Greater Manchester Police have finally identified the mystery body which was found in Westminster in December 2015 as Her Majesty's Official Opposition.
Once an initial ID was confirmed, local CCTV footage showed the Labour Party being led away by a sinister bearded man who led it off the beaten track and into the wilds, where it completely lost its way and died, cold and unloved, and lay unnoticed for months.
Once an initial ID was confirmed, local CCTV footage showed the Labour Party being led away by a sinister bearded man who led it off the beaten track and into the wilds, where it completely lost its way and died, cold and unloved, and lay unnoticed for months.
Underconstruction
Barack Obama’s eight year Presidency and all of his reforms and legislation were “fake news created by the liberal media elite,” President Donald Trump has said.
He declared that he does not need to repeal and replace Obamacare as it never actually existed. Anybody using the system to access affordable healthcare is therefore a criminal and could expect the “FULL WEIGHT OF THE LAW” to be used against them, President Trump later tweeted.
He declared that he does not need to repeal and replace Obamacare as it never actually existed. Anybody using the system to access affordable healthcare is therefore a criminal and could expect the “FULL WEIGHT OF THE LAW” to be used against them, President Trump later tweeted.
The cross-armed, tutting British public shook their heads in disgust at new spate of flood warnings today, ranging from West Scotland through Cumbria, Wales, the South West and even as far as Guildford. However the prospect of moaning about the weather for the fourth consecutive week has equally filled them with a collective glee.
Henry Yates, a native of the very wet Peak District, told us, ‘Look at the state of this weather, I've never seen anything like it. And the Government isn't helping. Or the Council. It's magnificent. I'm like a pig in shit. Yesterday, I honestly didn't stop bitchi
Henry Yates, a native of the very wet Peak District, told us, ‘Look at the state of this weather, I've never seen anything like it. And the Government isn't helping. Or the Council. It's magnificent. I'm like a pig in shit. Yesterday, I honestly didn't stop bitchi
Townsfolk of tiny 1970s TV hamlet Trumpton have voted almost unanimously for a change of name in protest against the ‘despicable puppet’ Donald Trump. Mr Troop the Town Clerk said that the names now on the table include Savilleville and Harristown.
A cat has been manifesting explicit signs of radical authoritarian behaviour, symptomatic of a fascist dictator in early 20th century Europe. The ultra-territorial tabby, regrettably named Mussolini, has been scratching furniture and clawing humans in a manner bearing all the hallmarks of a right-wing nationalist ideology.
The dead body of a man who was notorious for bragging about ‘Dry January’, has been discovered in a large industrial tank of malting barley at a malt production facility in his home town of Fakenham. Adam Stone, 31, was last seen gazing longingly through the window of his local pub 48 hours before.
Titus
President Elect Donald Trump reassured his supporters over the recent allegations of a Russian Blackmail Sex Video, stating ‘there is no sex video —but if one did exist, it would be the best Blackmail Sex Video ever!’ He categorically denied that Russian prostitutes had pissed all over him in a Moscow Hotel: ‘There were no...
Oscar-winning actress Meryl Streep today announced her new film project, Kramer vs Flamer. The film tells the story of an Oscar-winning actress getting into a public dispute with an idiot who gets his jollies from posting extreme abuse on social media. Whilst most reviews praised Streep’s performance as “masterful”, one online reviewer calling himself @therealDonaldTrump...
Facebook addiction can lead to acute poisoning of the stomach, it has emerged. Lucy Clark, 28, suffered chronic abdominal pain after sharing her 15th daily update: a holiday snap of herself looking out towards the ocean above the quote ‘Tomorrow is today’s dream’.
Paul Lamond games, manufacturers of a new board game based on the popular TV show ‘Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Celebrity Take Me Out Of Here’ has been criticised for inaccuracies in some of the questions. ‘It has one question that asks “how would you describe Ant and Dec?”,’ said one angry player today. ‘Irritating...
Samsung has announced the MoneyDrane5000 HD4k8KUHDMCCOBE smart television whose advanced AI processor will allow it to watch, criticise, get bored with and channel hop television programmes by itself. Owners of the new television have given mixed reviews, however. ‘It’s true that it gives me a lot of spare time, but I’m fed up with the...
An egomaniac’s sleep has been destroyed by nightmares of a world without social media. Abbie Parker, 25, felt ‘technostressed’ enough to share a photo of herself online, wearing silk lingerie and pouting aggressively. Her tagline read: ‘Worst nightmare ever.’ The post received 284 likes and friends were quick to respond with comments such as ‘What’s...
Reeling from the media deaths of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds at the end of 2016, the film and TV world is also mourning the loss of Tim Brick, the octogenarian continuity man who has died aged 42. ‘It’s a great loss to the industry,’ said one director, ‘and at a personal level, I’m now at a loss...
Detective Jane Tennison is set to return to the small screen, this time ably assisted by an ‘Amazon Echo’ speaker. While Chief Inspector Tennison begins the laborious process of gathering witness statements, ‘Constable Echo’ will sit discreetly in suspect’s bedrooms recording all incriminating discussion, while offering free two-day shipping. The voice-controlled ‘Echo’ will mimic modern...