Despite the president's promise to enact gun legislation and stem the carnage in US schools, painful bone spurs have torpedoed any chance of progress.
In a bold move to force the Chinese to reduce their trade deficit with the US, President Trump enacted tariffs on his next door neighbor.
After a raucous night of partying following the conclusion of the 2018 Winter Games, athletes awoke to a harsh reaction from the Head Dean of The Olympic Village.
Reacting to a growing tide of anger at the organization, and fearing for its safety, the NRA asked Congress to ban gun control advocates from owning guns.
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After viewing several hours of curling, an irritated President Trump called staff members to the White House, saying he wanted an Olympic gold medal sent over Monday morning in honor of his victory in the 2016 US Presidential election.
Fans of the Philadelphia Eagles filled the streets of their city to celebrate the team's Superbowl victory last night by burning down the hall where the Declaration of Independence was signed.
In the first known plan by a group of fish to overthrow the federal government, the FBI announced they had foiled a plan by sharks to storm the White House and eat the staff and President. The President has called on congress to fund a new "Shark Wall" to be built around the entire country.
After receiving a few too many text messages while on vacation, a local man has decided he is going to have to let his boss go.
Citing “creative differences” and a need to explore new territory, President Obama announced he was leaving the Ex-Presidents to pursue personal projects.
The inadvertent alert, which sent millions of Hawaiians scrambling for cover, would never have happened if it weren't for those pesky orange jellybeans.
Evangelicals came out this week in support of the President’s ban on immigrants from “shithole countries” and urged the US to import more Norwegians ASAP.
Long-suffering under a steady stream of mockery over the years, Jesus returned to Earth Monday to finally smite "these godless purveyors of nonsense and buffoonery."
President-elect Donald Trump today announced his 2018 plan to Make America Even Greater by increasing his decibel levels across the board by +25 dB.
Now that a comprehensive tax bill has been signed into law, relieved Republicans can finally begin impeachment proceedings.
Hoping to duplicate the success of Bitcoin and other digital currencies, Sesame Street today announced the creation of Bertcoin.
Although the Surgeon General tried to convince him otherwise, President Trump announced today that Americans should take up smoking for its considerable health benefits.
Although their presence is ubiquitous across the United States, Americans are doing their best to pretend that there aren't thousands of UFOs in the sky.
Steve Jurvonovich, an IT professional who has been handling the complex math involved in the US federal tax overhaul, has notified congress that he can't add.
A local man preoccupied over which Netflix series to watch next sustained burns to his retinas while staring straight into the sun.