Collective group activities, especially ones involving middle aged fattish women and flowers and cups of coffee and cup cakes on a Sunday afternoon, possibly in a church or local community centre or at least in a meeting place that has that rusty, dusty, type smell to it and chairs they keep stacked in a small room nearby, are precisely starred this month.
Public unrest increased again today with reports across the country of people wearing judge wigs being assaulted in town centres, the latest outside the Corn Exchange in Ipswich.ainment and parody
Halloween continued as normal only weeks after the country voted to leave the EU, according to zombies at the scene.
Ed Balls dancing on Strictly Comes Dancing sums up Britain in 2016 following the Brexapocalypse, according to a Remoaner speaking last night.
Donald Trump says his baby photos were cuter than Hillary Clinton's and says the interwebs should be free to say he is right, this week, only days before the third and last debate.
With only a month to go before the election, the Republican Party was in running about like a headless chicken mode today, according to a person who asked us not to reveal her identity because it is not their official position.
O!Hell Magazine are delighted to announce that we have offered £2 million for the exclusive rights to the claim form Kim Kardashian is set to fill in after she had $11million worth of jewellery stolen today, a record.
ARIES Mar 20 - Apr 19
Levitation, mind control and speed eating are all highly starred this month, and Jupiter is currently pondering the merits of taking control of your stomach around the 17th.
Periods of bed rest are highly starred, as are moments of stand up quarreling, especially now you can (temporarily) read your boss's mind. Tuesday may be the best time to ask for a raise...
Levitation, mind control and speed eating are all highly starred this month, and Jupiter is currently pondering the merits of taking control of your stomach around the 17th.
Periods of bed rest are highly starred, as are moments of stand up quarreling, especially now you can (temporarily) read your boss's mind. Tuesday may be the best time to ask for a raise...
"That dog is literally hotdog size." Jessie Krufts, Mulch Manager
Investigation: Princess Charlotte may be a little bouncing bundle of Royal joy to us, but already riots in Charlotte in America are undermining her first visit to that part of the world, according to people close to the barricades.
"It looks pretty easy being green to this reviewer. 2 out of 10." Fred Flunkee, Gold Prospector
"I had never considered tickling tigers from behind as a method of attack. Well, there's no Don't Try This At Home notice so it must be safe." Jimmy Popper, Safety Officer
"Secret service agents on both sides and they let her fall? She can't weight much more than 120 pounds... Trump: flat on his face, I mean he's a big man, OK, but a 120 pound woman? #FAIL #FAIL #FAIL" Harry Zonderblurb, Purveyor
Hillary Clinton has overheated again, only hours after overheating at a 9/11 event on Sunday, according to new leaked footage seen by this newspaper online.
"It makes a refreshing change from all that wooffing. 2 bones out of 10." Harry Zonderblurb, Critic
"Like a low budget straight to youtube Snakenado. And not a cameo from any of the Osbourne family in sight. Everyone's a winner here." Harry Zonderblurb, Critic
A SELECTION OF OUR AWARDS
Jack And Jill's Upper Hill Horoscope Of The Year, Vinegar Division, March 2014
The Yogi Bear, Donald Duck and The Flintstone's cross over branded cartoon horoscope involving horns, April 2013
Guardians Of The Galaxy movie tie in Capricorn horoscope June and July 2015
Are We There Yet? Parental Advice To Toddlers In A Horoscope, Aquarius and Taurus Summer Vacation 2015
Jack And Jill's Upper Hill Horoscope Of The Year, Vinegar Division, March 2014
The Yogi Bear, Donald Duck and The Flintstone's cross over branded cartoon horoscope involving horns, April 2013
Guardians Of The Galaxy movie tie in Capricorn horoscope June and July 2015
Are We There Yet? Parental Advice To Toddlers In A Horoscope, Aquarius and Taurus Summer Vacation 2015
"I was expecting UFO aliens to be short and hairy with a fat belly. My bad." Harry Zonderblurb, Predictor
Thursday 25th August 2016: Sources close to Jedi Master Jeremy Corbyn scotched reports last night that the force was to do with a newly bruised Richard Branson almost killing himself out on a bike ride today. This only 24 hours after Virgin Trains claimed CCTV showed the leader, 71, walked past empty seats on the way to plonking his beloved socialist bottom on the floor to make a point about overcrowding.
"His hands could get a reality show all of their own if his latest project doesn't work out. #ReleaseYourTaxReturnsTrumpo"