Guilt by omission is a favorite tactic of both sides of the media these days, but Hannity spent an entire hour neglecting to even acknowledge a leak suggesting our president is exploring options to fire special prosecutor Robert Mueller and pardon himself. On the night of this breaking news, Hannity and the rest of the Fox & Frauds hid…
Tweet Tower—Donald Trump announced his decision today to appoint Swamp Thing to head the Department of Homeland Security. Many are already calling into question Swamp Thing’s lack of related experience, or the lack of any employment history whatsoever since a laboratory explosion forced him to reside in a nearby swamp in 1972. In a rare comment former…
Pains me to admit it, but I was wrong about this President! Donald Trump has shown a steady, unswerving leadership not seen in our political landscape for a long, long time. Fine, I agreed to a lobotomy while I still have health insurance, or as I’m quoted on my discharge summary, “Go big, or go pancakes!” The nurse…
Washington, D.C.—The White House is downplaying a fire that started earlier today in Chief Strategist Steve Bannon’s office, or, more specifically, his liquor drawer. The fire occurred as Mr. Bannon was trying to recreate the Flaming Moe, a fictional drink of Simpsons’ fame. The flames quickly spread from the liquor drawer to one of President Trump’s auxiliary hair…
Urine some deep shit joke removed by the editor.
Davey Jones Depot—President Trump’s speech today in Warsaw’s Krasinski Square is now marred with tragedy. The Polish government had already promised the Trump Administration hundreds of adoring fans for his speech, so many are questioning the decision to send more U.S. crowd-stackers. The fleet of buses carrying the Trump rally enhancers are now missing. The president vows to…
Washington, DC—Vice President Mike Pence is doing his best today to sell a less than popular healthcare bill. Republicans took all the usual steps, including lying and relabeling, but to no avail. They are saying that the increased number of uninsured Americans, Pioneer Health Recipients and Obama death panels, which didn’t actually exist under the ACA, will be created and…
Kauai, HI—This trip proved the most challenging for team Search Truth Quest, at least financially. We would make both cryptozoological history as well as history of our flex funds. For this journey STQ was on the hunt for two Hawaiian heavyweights: a tribe of hobbits known as the Menehune as well as a 12-foot guardian lizard known as the…
I recently had the honor and privilege of interviewing my jerk face friend, Mick Zano. We met over a beer in downtown Flagstaff to discuss fake news, satire, and what Zano calls the State of the Onion. We had our fair share of battles in the lead up to the election, as he was a little more…
Washington, DC—Special Prosecutor, Robert Mueller, the man assigned to investigate President Trump’s possible obstruction of justice was last seen reluctantly entering a limousine outside of the downtown DC Hooters on 7th Street. Eye witnesses claim several of Trump’s security detail surrounded Mueller, while mindlessly chanting “make a America great again” over and over again. One passerby claims Mr. Mueller was…
Faber College, PA—Skip “Skeeter” Mcyentire of Beta Alpha Lambda (BAL) is ready to take hazing to a more humiliating level with the addition of some built-in safeguards designed to protect his fraternity from any litigation. “All our activities come complete with waivers now, drawn up by our pre-law adviser and regular keg signer, Ted “Blotto” Freihoffer. “He’s been in pre-law for almost…
Phoenix, AZ—President Trump was all smiles today upon hearing the news our veterans will no longer be forced to wait around VA centers for days, weeks or even months only to find out no services are available. Biff Lang of the Phoenix Regional Veterans No-Benefits Office said, “It’s really simple now. There’s no funding, so there’s no sense hanging around…
We didn't say it was a good theory
The rightwing aversion to truth is worsening and it’s spreading like a T-Virus at a Trump rally. Resident Drivel? The Foxeteers continue to shun the implications of any data, studies, or facts that contradict their ailing ideology. Valid data is fake science and valid points are fake news. Whereas conspiracy theories are abound on the left as well, liberal angst is still generally…
Tweet Tower—The Trump camp is downplaying the sudden trial and execution of former FBI-Director Robert Mueller, which occurred while the president and his family were dining at his Mar-A-Lago resort yesterday. The President refused to speak on the matter, but he did mention the meal was wonderful and for dessert they had “the best cheesecake!” Ever since Mueller’s appointment…
“The James Bond franchise really jumped the shark on that one.” —Chachi
In related news: former Security Adviser, Michael Flynn, is consulting with Anthony Weiner on possible next schtupps.
Tweet Tower—With the country still reeling from Animal and Crazy Harry’s attempt to blow up the White House, Muppet legends Statler and Waldorf attempted a grey-hair-brained scheme of their own. Taking advantage of the chaotic aftermath of Comey’s departure and what Statler referred to as “an obvious lapse in security”, the pair went all Dickens on…
Apparently the term ‘Deplorables’ is not wildly popular amongst those deplorable people among us, so how about the ‘Unreachables’ or the ‘Irredeemables’? Or maybe we should channel some Vizzini and go with the ‘Inconceivables’? Our president enjoys historically bad early approval ratings and he’s flip flopped on almost every major campaign promise, yet only an astounding 2% of Trump supporters show any…
Washington, DC—The Muppets Resist movement entered an even darker chapter today after beloved characters, Crazy Harry and Animal, were arrested for hatching a Guy Fawksian-style plot to blow up the White House. Rockville police report the two were arrested without incident in a sock drawer outside of Glenn Hills, Maryland. Many in the intelligence community fear the pair were not working alone…