BarbedWireSatire

CLEVELAND (The Barbed Wire) - Licensed psychiatrists and psychologists have already begun seeing establishment Republicans here at the site of the upcoming Republican convention this summer, to help them learn to cope with a possible Donald Trump nomination. "The main thing we're seeing in Republican patients so far is denial," said Dr. Harding from Boston.

DALLAS (The Barbed Wire) - After being reported missing over 24 hours by his wife, authorities have begun a nationwide search for talk radio host Glenn Beck's mind. Beck is still around, it's just his mind that is gone.

RENO, NV (The Barbed Wire) - Hillary Clinton visited a top veterinarian in Reno this morning due to her incessant barking and persistent coughing fits. The Democratic front-runner was given a steroid injection, heartworm medicine, and she was due for her distemper booster. Mrs. Clinton barked at the moon during a recent campaign stop.

SOUTH CAROLINA (The Barbed Wire) - This week, CNN is hosting a unique event in the world of politics. Because of the vitriol displayed between the Republican candidates in the last GOP debate, the network is hosting a two-night, steel cage death match to whittle down the current field of six presidential hopefuls.

MYRTLE BEACH (The Barbed Wire) - At a rally for her mom, Chelsea Clinton claims she left the Baptist Church at age 6 because she disagreed with the Church's stance against abortion. Chelsea knew better and knew how misguided the church was, even at such a tender age.

WASHINGTON D.C. (The Barbed Wire) - As those Americans who hold the Constitution near and dear to their hearts mourn the passing of conservative Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, Democrats have already begun attacking Republicans for suggesting a delay in replacing Scalia until a new president takes office in 2017.

CONCORD, NH (The Barbed Wire) - Maggie Hassan, governor of New Hampshire, has issued a state of emergency for the entire state of New Hampshire. The governor said the state has become saturated with political ads, with reports of some needing to be rescued from said ads. 9-1-1 operators say calls are coming in from people screaming that they are drowning in political ads.

NEW YORK CITY (The Barbed Wire) - In the wake of the recent flood of Middle Eastern refugees across Europe, Fodor's Travel, long known for providing travelers around the world with travel guides to not only the best hotels and restaurants at destinations worldwide, but also useful and quirky information not found in other travel…

IOWA (The Barbed Wire) - During a CNN sponsored town hall meeting today, Hillary Clinton told the live audience that, if elected, the first thing she would do on her first day in office would be to abolish the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA). The Freedom of Information Act is a law that gives citizens the…

HOLLYWOOD (The Barbed Wire) - All the controversy surrounding the lack of diversity in the Oscar acting nominations for the second year in a row has caused voters in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to make a couple of last minute changes. Rachel Dolezal has been added to the Best Actress category nominations for her portrayal of a black woman working for the NAACP.

NEW YORK CITY (The Barbed Wire) - According to Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan, the giant snowstorm named Jonas that is pounding the East Coast this weekend is God's punishment for the snub of black artists for this years Oscars by the voters from what he called the Motion Picture Academy of Arts & Racists.

HOLLYWOOD (The Barbed Wire) - Still pissed off about the "whiteness" of the Oscars for the second year in a row, Hollywood celebrities are lining up to say they will not be voting in 2016 because the Democratic presidential field is also too white. "Are you telling me there wasn't ONE brother out there qualified to run this year?"

MANCHESTER, NH (The Barbed Wire) - Saying she has many dear friends in "The Granite State," Hillary Clinton told supporters at a rally here that if they did not deliver the state to her in next month's primary, and she went on to get elected president, she would wipe the state off the face of the map.

MEXICO (The Barbed Wire) - Mexican authorities are dealing with an outbreak of affluenza in their country. Recently, American Ethan Couch, who used an affluenza defense to get off easy after killing four people while driving drunk, was discovered hiding here. Now, the world's biggest drug cartel leader, widely known as "El Chapo" Guzman, is attempting to use the same excuse himself.

NORTH KOREA (The Barbed Wire) - The world reacted with shock today as North Korea announced that it had successfully tested a hydrogen bomb. The thought of such a weapon in the hands of the country's maniacal dictator, best known for his kick ass haircuts, worried leaders worldwide, though the White House doubts the claims.

WASHINGTON D.C. (The Barbed Wire) - White House doctors have confirmed that President Obama strained several muscles in his arms today, and even tore a tendon in his shoulder area, while overreaching in putting together his newest gun control executive orders. The president has been ordered to rest his skinny arms and reduce the movement of his left shoulder.

LAS VEGAS (The Barbed Wire) - Last week, a person placed slices of bacon on the door handles of the front and back doors to a mosque in Sin City. Bacon and pork products are considered unclean in Islamic tradition, and Muslims are forbidden from eating or touching it.

MOSUL (The Barbed Wire) - Members of the terror group ISIS spent New Year's Eve celebrating the beginning of a new year of terror attacks and killing by watching the annual head drop in Mosul. The tradition is in its third year and the event is circulated by cellphones and ISIS-controlled TV stations in the region.

NEW YORK (The Barbed Wire) - The Republican presidential field is scrambling this week to find a way forward after the shocking, recent departures of John McCain's BFF, Lindsey Graham, and former New York governor George Pataki. The announcements also crushed the dreams of millions who were hoping to see the first male president named Lindsey.

DENVER (The Barbed Wire) - Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning is fuming this week amid rumors he used human growth hormone (HGH) to recover from surgery several years ago. Al Jazeera, the source of record for football in the United States, claims in a report that Manning was supplied steroids from a clinic in Indianapolis in 2011.