Mouthfrog

San Francisco, CA – Art shows are often smug, boring, and crawling with assholes you hope to never meet on the street. A heart-warming story developed at such a show recently, starring a semi-famous band named The Shins.

Lake Jackson, TX – Ron Paul has given up his bid to become Commander In Chief and frankly doesn’t have high hopes for his son, Rand.

Los Angeles, CA – Looking as fit and confident as ever, Hillary Clinton stood before a small group of admirers as she was sworn in as an honorary member of The Charlie’s Angels Society of Greater Los Angeles.  

Simi Valley, CA – As expected, all candidates not named Trump took aim at the frontrunner in the polls in the most recent debate.  For the most part, Trump was able to dodge the feeble attacks from the other weak candidates.

Independence, KY – For the 12th year in a row, some crazy lady in Kentucky has agreed to have 30 animals in her 1400 square foot home at one time.  The animals are all technically ‘pets’ but some are more domesticated than others.

Vatican City – Pope Francis, ahead of a visit to the United States starting September 22nd, has wasted no time in creating a wave of hope for the God fearing church goers as well as the sinful dirty atheists.  

White Plains, NY – Ben Tripper is a local computer programmer and admits that he overanalyzes things from time to time.  

Suffolk, VA – Huey Viggers has released his manifesto, of sorts, via youtube video.  He wears a large pair of plastic lips because he believes that it is his teeth that truly give away his identity.

Cleveland, OH – The distrust and acrimony between police officers and common citizens continues to escalate.  Proof is in the most recent incident that took place on the east side of Cleveland.

Washington – After yet another senseless act of violence left 10 people dead and many more injured in the sleepy town of Roseburg, President Obama was hyper critical of both political parties, Presidential hopefuls, and potential killers everywhere.

Charleston, SC – President Obama has learned a thing or two about lack of action by previous administrations to natural disasters.  With ‘biblical flooding’ predicted for the Carolinas, big government is not taking any chances. 

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the results of a TNA study regarding guns being used for personal protection was released. The data concluded most Americans were not important enough to have to worry about ever using a gun for self-defense, and discovered most Americans who believed they needed a gun for self-defense had poor reasoning skills, overestimated their importance, and were suffering from narcissistic personality disorder.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Republican presidential campaign of former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush announced Jeb would wear a shock collar "to prevent him from speaking, which is not in his best interest if he wants to win the White House." The transition to a "nonverbal campaign" followed a rising slew of insensitive, politically tone deaf comments that showed Jeb to be completely out of touch with reality, and the majority of the American people.

Zearing, IA – Phillip and Jennifer Bloom make the same trip each year from their home in Jefferson City, Missouri to Minneapolis, Minnesota.  The retired couple takes one week in October each year to visit the birthplace of their silver screen hero, Vince Vaughn. 

Torrington, CT – Eleanor and Darren Minson were just blessed with a healthy 11 pound baby boy.  It is their first child.  They’ve been at home now for about 3 weeks with their new bundle of joy and Eleanor is still pretty sore.  

The worst fears of Second Amendment defenders will come true in late 2022, or nearly six years after President Barack Obama is constitutionally obligated to vacate the office, according to a Washington Times investigative report.

PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations announced it was exiling former Governor Lincoln Chafee to Block Island, located approximately 13 miles south of the Rhode Island coast, following his performance at last night's Democratic presidential debate. Rhode Island Governor Gina Raimondo announced Chaffee - who was also mayor of the state's second largest city before representing Rhode Island as a US Senator - was being exiled due to a public outcry in response to his "highly embarrassing...

Las Vegas –  Bad ass Marine and democratic hopeful James Henry Webb Jr. generally kept his cool Tuesday evening in the city of sin.  He moved his lips and made some incredibly compelling snake-like hand gestures that played well with voters. 

Luxembourg propeller planes bombed Syria today, joining a long and growing list of nations to have done so this year.

Cupertino, CA –  Tim Cook grinned as he signed off on the 2016 plan for Apple Corporation.  He pulled out his $2000 dollar pen and scribbled his signature and agreement to the plan of making a shitload more money in the coming year.