19th February 2019: President Donald Trump was applauded today by thousands of his supporters for shooting dead a member of the fake media.
Channel 4 think they are onto a winner after having signed up 10 Donald Trump impersonators to take part in their accident strewn show this year.
Donald Trump has offered voters the chance to stay at any of his hotels for free this President's Day, according to a person on Twitter this morning.
"Touching toes next stage," says Surgeon General
Chocolate bars are to be put 20% lower on supermarket shelves to enable fat people to have a bit of a workout before they buy them, according to a senior doctor.
Chocolate bars are to be put 20% lower on supermarket shelves to enable fat people to have a bit of a workout before they buy them, according to a senior doctor.
ARIES Mar 20 - Apr 19
Star-crossed lovers are set to bring a Shakespearean twist to your love life this month, beware window ledges or porches in all of their forms - and hats with feathers in them.
A wise decision you made last month is set to pay dividends. This could be a fractionally lower cholesterol reading after eating all that fresh fish, or it might be that purchase of tech shares that rose sharply last month. Whatever good is about to unfold it is well deserved and you should enjoy it to its fullest extent possibly to the n'th degree or at least the f'th degree.
Saturn's tran
Star-crossed lovers are set to bring a Shakespearean twist to your love life this month, beware window ledges or porches in all of their forms - and hats with feathers in them.
A wise decision you made last month is set to pay dividends. This could be a fractionally lower cholesterol reading after eating all that fresh fish, or it might be that purchase of tech shares that rose sharply last month. Whatever good is about to unfold it is well deserved and you should enjoy it to its fullest extent possibly to the n'th degree or at least the f'th degree.
Saturn's tran
Coming up at 6pm Central tonight our latest cartoon series featuring Crazie Maysie the hen prime minister of a small country barn in Western Europe, and new President Peacock who has just been elected president of a large barn over the pond.
The White House today criticised the media, not including this newspaper, for suggesting there were enormous yards of white empty space where people stood at the Obama Inauguration in 2009, according to someone looking at the picture below.
One of the most respected intelligence operators specialising in Russia in the private sector, who once worked for British Intelligence says the Russians have a video of Donald Trump and something to do with prostitutes urinating on each other in a Moscow hotel (ie a Golden Shower...) It's been denied, as you would expect, but how will we know if the Russians do have it after all?d parody
Donald Trump angrily criticised theVoiceofReason.com after we claimed he had 'piss colored hair' today in one of the most fraught press conferences of modern times.
Trump, 76, who clearly hasn't realised we are a fake news organisation yet, answered our questions to the chagrin of our competition at CNNion who were refused a question as they are now officially a fake news organisation.
This followed the release of a report in which it was alleged that the president-elect took part in a sex act which included prostitutes, some as old as 26, weeing on each other, apparently known as a gol
Trump, 76, who clearly hasn't realised we are a fake news organisation yet, answered our questions to the chagrin of our competition at CNNion who were refused a question as they are now officially a fake news organisation.
This followed the release of a report in which it was alleged that the president-elect took part in a sex act which included prostitutes, some as old as 26, weeing on each other, apparently known as a gol
Donald Trump pulled the same face he used while mocking a disabled reporter when joking about having sex in a conversation with men in a locker room in 2013, according to a man close to the microphone. "This proves that he uses the same mocking tone to everybody, including himself, when having sex" Kellyanne Conway told her Fox and Friends audience.
The Foreign Office have announced plans to 'chav down' in an attempt to understand what Brexit is all about, according to a person close to the situation.dy
Fears that someone who died in 2016 had the secret that could stop World War Three starting in 2017 were growing last night, just moments after Big Ben struck midnight and after the last firework had zipped, popped, banged and kerzinged, according to a reveler.
The Jupiter inspired mayhem penciled in for 7th of the month onwards may be an opportunity for you to shine in a near superhero capacity to solve problems on the hoof and in the air.
Nuts, particularly almonds and walnuts, but not peanuts and hazel nuts, are randomly starred especially when eaten at the bar on yachts from small red bowls. parody
Nuts, particularly almonds and walnuts, but not peanuts and hazel nuts, are randomly starred especially when eaten at the bar on yachts from small red bowls. parody
Following the death this morning of George Michael yesterday afternoon, the prime minister has said she is to take emergency measures to stop any more internationally recognised British celebrities dying for the next two years.nt and parody
After years of nipping people in the nose in songs including The Christmas Song, Jack Frost finally got what was coming to him in the latest Christmas episode of TOWIE, according to a person on Twitter who watches the show.
Fears were growing last night that Theresa May's government are going to insist on Black Pudding on the menu in the negotiations for a Full English Breakfast Brexit, according to a written sheet seen by telephoto lenses of a person walking into Number 10.
A person working for the Bank of England, who has asked for anonymity because she has been expressly banned from talking to us by her employer, confirmed today that the controversially plastic new fivers were designed exclusively for meat eaters and not for vegans or vegetarians. parody
ARIES Mar 20 - Apr 19
Mistletoe, but not the berries, are well starred in any lip, tongue or nose touching endeavours this month. (The optimal hanging height in any kissing based festive intrigue is 6ft 9in unless your aunt is still seeing that professional basketball player in which the height is 3 ft higher.)y
Mistletoe, but not the berries, are well starred in any lip, tongue or nose touching endeavours this month. (The optimal hanging height in any kissing based festive intrigue is 6ft 9in unless your aunt is still seeing that professional basketball player in which the height is 3 ft higher.)y
The prime minister explained, today, why she wants to keep her Brexit negotiating position secret after triggering Article 50, in the first interview on the subject.nt and parody
Donald Trump, the president-elect, has told CBS in his first interview that the new wall with Mexico could be 'part gaps'. parody