Ten year-old Kyle Fitzgerald of Brea, California was the only one of his friends to miss out on twenty dollars and free ice cream Saturday after his overly cynical nature caused him to misinterpret the generous overtures of a kind stranger.
Take your tired and your poor, your huddled masses, yada, yada, yada, and shove 'em. Let them be poor and miserable somewhere else. Piss off. Country's full.
A "Smart Gun" capable of identifying whether a person poses a true threat to its carrier could drastically reduce the number of accidental gun-related deaths in the US and around the world, its manufacturer Houser Firearms says.
Villanova won the big college basketball tournament last night after throwing the ball through the hoop the most.
Still over two months away from the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, presidential candidate Donald Trump has named Donald Trump as his running mate.
The New York Yankees have re-signed Jordan Cooper, 12, to a one year deal. The announcement of Cooper's extension came one day after the expiration of the young cancer patient's original one-day contract Saturday.
37 year-old Robert Klein of San Diego has yet to murder his family after losing his job last week, a local news agency reported this morning.
Growing turmoil within the GOP is fueling a split between crackpots within the party and its more traditional dumbass base, experts say.
Fifty years after the civil rights movement made it uncool to discriminate against people based on the color of their skin, racism appears to be making a strong comeback.
If you hear a buzzing outside your window that sounds like a swarm of bees, don't worry. It's likely just a surveillance drone attempting to record you while you masturbate.
The nastiest and most confrontational Republican debate so far devolved further Thursday night when moderator Wolf Blitzer revealed that Donald Trump is the father of Ted Cruz's two daughters.
Fat kid Tommy "Two Tons" Touzinsky was diagnosed this week with a genetic disorder that is responsible for his humongous body's inability to regulate its weight.
Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia returned to the bench today after dying February 13th to rule against Obamacare's mandate that religious-sponsored corporations must allow their employees access to contraception through their health insurance.
Captioning a photo of three fish tacos, Sloan, who recently purchased several firearms, including an AR-15 assault rifle and several hundred rounds of ammunition at a gun show, wrote: "Fish tacos from Mariscos Mi Gusto. Yum."
The Central Intelligence Agency has started auditioning lone gunmen to assassinate Bernie Sanders should he be elected in November, insiders say.
45 year-old truck driver and avowed white supremacist Luke Chandler of Alabaster, Alabama finished his appearance on Jeopardy this Thursday with a score of –22,600, a new record low for any contestant on the game show since its inception in 1964.
Though still commonly known as "Black History Month", February is now 65% Hispanic, a recent study has shown.
Manned by an all gay crew, the USS Tennessee Williams is a Virginia-class attack submarine capable of shooting missiles and all sorts of stuff, its Captain Marcelo McGary says.
A new porn domain was discovered in the worldwide web by entrepreneurial explorers yesterday - a rare find in a realm where such names were thought to have long been extinct.
GOP newcomer Racist Gorilla has taken a commanding lead over all his Republican rivals just one week after announcing his candidacy for president, every major national poll now indicates.