Tim Hargreaves of Leicester mistakenly squirted fuel through a rusty hole in his car instead of the fuel tank, drenching his grandmother who was sitting in the back seat Saturday.
The US government announced today the creation of a "No-'F'List" designed to prevent people whose potential to reproduce is deemed a threat to the future well-being of the country.
Britain appears to be going through something of a phase, those around her say. "She's in a bit of a snit," her queen mother said of the 480 year-old constitutional monarchy, which has been locked in her room since last Thursday.
House Republicans introduced a bill on Capitol Hill this morning that would overturn the Second Law of Thermodynamics.
An Oxford vicar has lost his appeal in a recent unfair dismissal case. Vic Lord 61, was dismissed from his position at St. Mary's church in Oxford for his failure to attend a sermon - replacing himself with
a blow up doll.
a blow up doll.
"Polk", the most recent theatrical production to merge the biography of a historic American figure with modern musical styles, opened to a widely hostile reception at the Public Theater off-Broadway this weekend.
The study, which evaluates students' performance in an array of verbal abuse competencies including vocabulary, creative integration, indecency and volume, reinstated American children as the global leader in profanity one year after being knocked out of the top spot by Germany.
Several concerned citizens reported the presence of a gathering of day rapists outside The Home Depot on Raymond Blvd. this morning. The loitering congregation of approximately five weathered Latino men near the fence surrounding the home improvement store's garden center drew local Rob Bueker's attention when he arrived at the store around 8 a.m.
Responding to scientist Stephen Hawking's description of him as a, "Demagogue who seems to appeal to the lowest common denominator," Donald Trump was swift and to the point on his Twitter feed this morning.
Declared a global public health emergency by the World Health Organization, the Zika virus has been linked to birth defects and other debilitating health problems. But could it also help you lose weight?
Brady Peterson of Bridgewater, New Hampshire discovered he is 98% douchebag on Ancestry.com this week.
A pillar of the community in his hometown of Chesterfield, Illinois, 64 year-old Kenny Butler is likely some kind of sex freak, most of his neighbors say.
In an election where political experience and policy has increasingly taken a backseat to childish name calling, Hillary Clinton upped the ante today with the announcement of insult comic Lisa Lampanelli as her running mate.
June 11, 2270 - One day after telepathically blasting President ZX7 on Twitter for implementing new antimatter fusion subsidies that will cost his state thousands of coal mining jobs, Kentucky Senator Faggypants Murphy backed up his thoughts with words criticizing the Commander and Chief.
One week after suspending his run for the presidency, Senator Ted Cruz appeared before a sparsely attended press conference to announce his decision to also suspend his life.
Once Mexico is done building a wall along the US-Mexico border on Earth, they can start one separating American heaven from Mexican heaven in the afterlife, Donald Trump says.
Katy Perry is back, singing and dancing across the stage as if she never grew old.
Fitbit has released a new sexual activity tracker capable of allowing moral values parents to monitor and enforce their teenagers' commitment to premarital abstinence.
North Carolina repealed a controversial ban on transgender individuals using public bathrooms of their choice today in what Governor Pat McCrory is now calling a successful campaign to avoid a Creed reunion concert from happening in their state.
Former NFL linebacker Walter McBride dismissed the science behind both concussion-related brain disease and climate change, as well as a range of other things, in a sprawling 3,554 word article he published on his blog yesterday.