A size-zero catwalk model has been reported missing from a Paris fashion show after it appears she just floated away. Sindy Skellet, 23, who last year achieved fame for dating Brad Pitt without his knowledge, and was recently forced to endure lengthy courses of helium injections by her agency, just took off at the open air show on the Champs Elysees.
A spokesman for the NPCC explained: ‘If we are to successfully target ethnic minorities – we need to do more than just stop and search. Look at the success the US justice system has had in killing unarmed African-Americans. The sooner we can get something with more poke than a taser, the sooner we can really give in to our inner demons.’
'How will we know what time it is?' asked one terrified city trader. 'I'll probably have to rely on my iPhone and Apple Watch to have the vaguest idea of the time'. Others are worried about oversleeping. 'I live in Watford, it's difficult enough to hear the chimes as it is...
Fans of misleading offers, dishonest advertising and devious contracts filled the Albert Hall yesterday, as Zeitgeist Publishing launched its latest modern lifestyle magazine T&C.
The launch, which some were disappointed to discover was in Catford's Albert Hall, was attended by thousands of wannabe scamsters, many attracted by the offers of free cars, holidays and sex that were mentioned in their original invitations.
The launch, which some were disappointed to discover was in Catford's Albert Hall, was attended by thousands of wannabe scamsters, many attracted by the offers of free cars, holidays and sex that were mentioned in their original invitations.
Channel 4 has announced that it has finally come up with a format to rival the success of Gogglebox, the documentary-style reality show it created in 2013 that allows viewers to watch various families as they watch TV.
"We toyed with various ideas," said a Channel 4 executive, "including Celebrity Gogglebox. Though obviously, we don't mean actual celebrities - just people who've been in an earlier series of Gogglebox. That counts, right?
"We toyed with various ideas," said a Channel 4 executive, "including Celebrity Gogglebox. Though obviously, we don't mean actual celebrities - just people who've been in an earlier series of Gogglebox. That counts, right?
Education Secretary Nicky Morgan is to confirm an expansion in selective schooling, in order to finally create a race of ‘troglodyte over-lords’. In a homage to H. G. Wells’ novel, Kent County Council have managed to go back in time to the 1950’s and a curriculum based on eugenics, the Eton wall game and plot of Billy Bunter.
A man was left shocked and insulted after completing an activity without a request to ‘evaluate his experience’ on-line for a chance to win something.
The National Children's Bureau for the Bleeding Obvious has discovered that dicking around on the Xbox rather than doing your homework, might be a barrier to academic greatness. By contrast research initiated by all teenagers, has revealed that all work and no play makes Jack a ‘swot who no one invites to parties’.
These almost contrasting conclusions have split scientists; particularly those who spend all day starring at data on a computer screen in the hope of proving that starring at a computer screen is bad for you.
These almost contrasting conclusions have split scientists; particularly those who spend all day starring at data on a computer screen in the hope of proving that starring at a computer screen is bad for you.
Despite the right to a refund becoming law, many Corbyn supporters have been disheartened to discover that they will have to stick with their original purchase; at least until the next General Election. What for many was an impulse buy, has turned out to be rather thread-bare, reminiscent of the 70s and lacking the ‘nuclear deterrent option’ that other models come with.
While most customers will be able to take their complaints to a certified Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), voters will have to keep their faulty goods or ‘Nick Clegg promise’ as it is sometimes called.
While most customers will be able to take their complaints to a certified Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), voters will have to keep their faulty goods or ‘Nick Clegg promise’ as it is sometimes called.
The casual racism robot that automatically produces the Daily Mail's headlines has been rendered inoperable after Bangladeshi Muslim Nadiya Hussain triumphed in the final of The Great British Bake Off.
Disgruntled rail passengers leaning across the aisle to say 'Can't you read? This is the quiet carriage!' may become a thing of the past following plans to introduce a range of carriages designed to ram the point home.
For the many disappointed people unable to get tickets to the sold out Tory conference, Hazel Blears is the next best thing. Despite standing down as an MP and largely being out of the public eye – her most popular move according to the polls – Blears claims to be able to perform a medley of May’s classic conference rants from 2010-2014 and ‘for cash in hand’ will recite her 2015 speech in full.
Following the enormous success of the genteel seasonal programmes fronted by two national treasures, the BBC has announced that the latest observational wildlife series will be launched later this year live from HMP Wakefield.
Computer specialists are running out of options for making the bleeding obvious sound like a work of genius, generated by an elite race of VIP human. Data scientists say there are only a few more ludicrous variations they can create out of existing terms, before they are forced to admit it was all a 'Jedi mind trick'.
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America's National Rifle Association has identified a lack of guns in Syria as the reason for the high number of deaths from shootings there. A spokesman said: 'That mass shooting at a military checkpoint would never have happened if someone had already shot the people who did it.'
Howay pet, ya deed
Jeremy Corbyn has stated his defence policy, in the event that he is Prime Minister at the outbreak of a World War, will be to engage the enemy in interpretive dance. ‘We have a strong history of providing strong dancers, as evidenced by Strictly Come Dancing, and I feel that we could defeat any enemy hands down,’ he stated.
Major Owen Schnauzmann of the US Air Force confirmed that the first strikes in support of the much maligned Syrian President Bashar al-Assad centred around Eastern Ukraine where Russian intelligence says a great deal of the Syrian rebel forces are co-ordinating activities and manning a key supply route.
Jeremy Corbyn’s first speech to conference as Labour leader has been broadly welcomed by party members. However, some have expressed reservations about how the suggestion that the Royal Family should be put up against a wall and shot will play with the wider electorate’.