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In New Poll, 93% of Americans Choose Punching Jason Chaffetz over Free iPhone
wearyourcape
2578 days ago
News Satire
jason chaffetz
republican health plan
iphone
punch
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"It's a no-brainer," says typical poll respondent.
Michael Flynn Taking 'Vacation Cruise' on Russian Ship Spotted off East Coast
wearyourcape
2599 days ago
News Satire
michael flynn
russian spy ship
cruise
snowden
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Ex-National Security Advisor says cruise is "a very attractive, one-way fare."
President Trump Performs First Miracle in Office, Raises Frederick Douglass from the Dead
wearyourcape
2611 days ago
News Satire
trump
frederick douglass
is being recognized more and more
tense
miracle
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Trump's unusual sentence structure proves once and for all that tense matters.
United States' Statue of Liberty on 'Indefinite Loan' to Canada, Say Officials
wearyourcape
2615 days ago
News Satire
statue of liberty
on loan
canada
justin trudeau
trump
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Lady Liberty will be moved north this week into nation that still welcomes immigrants of all faiths.
Kellyanne Conway Insists She Is 'Just Saying Things' And 'Not Meaning Things'
wearyourcape
2621 days ago
News Satire
kellyanne conway facts
chuck todd
meet the press
sean spicer
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"You really don't need to write any of this down," says presidential counselor.
Americans Celebrate Trump Inauguration with Final Affordable Medical Procedures
wearyourcape
2624 days ago
News Satire
trump inauguration
aca
medical procedures
prescriptions
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Others mark the occasion by filling as many reasonably priced prescriptions in one day as pharmacy will allow.
Breaking: Another Republican Gains Empathy After Personal Experience with Bad Luck
wearyourcape
2631 days ago
News Satire
jeff jeans
republican
paul ryan
cnn town hall
affordable care act
empathy
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Scientists estimate that the rate of empathy conversion by Republicans should result in "a just and humane society" in the U.S. in approximately 3,400 years.
Kellyanne Conway to Provide Regular Trump 'Heart Readings' to Replace Press Conferences
wearyourcape
2633 days ago
News Satire
trump
press conference
kellyanne conway
in his heart
sean spicer
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Says Americans "deserve to know what our President-elect is really, from his heart, trying to tell America and the world."
Holiday Special 2016, Trump-Putin Edition
wearyourcape
2653 days ago
News Satire
holiday special christmas 2016 trump putin
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There’s nothing to be afraid of!
Virtual Reality 'Twilight Zone' Episode of Trump As U.S. President Being Recalled
wearyourcape
2690 days ago
News Satire
trump
president
virtual reality
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Millions of Americans sickened by "terrifyingly authentic" VR effects.
One Creepy Clown Costume Is Flying Off the Shelves This Halloween Season
wearyourcape
2723 days ago
News Satire
donald j. trump
creepy clown
halloween
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Called "Donald J. Creepy," stores are having trouble keeping this particular creepy clown in stock.
Mike Pence Bot Offline for Servicing After 'Longest Period of Continuous Use' in Veep Debate
wearyourcape
2731 days ago
News Satire
mike pence
veep debate
robot
bot
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Head-shaking motion and incredulous expressions to be tweaked for "more realistic" effects in future appearances.
Trump Denies Dimming Prospects of Weekly Fireside Infomercials As President
wearyourcape
2787 days ago
News Satire
donald trump
weekly presidential fireside radio infomercial
broadcast
address
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Candidate says his presidential radio infomercials to the American public "will be so tremendous."
Melania Trump Said to Be Hard At Work on 'I Have A Dream, Which Is Special Dream' Speech
wearyourcape
2809 days ago
News Satire
melania trump rnc convention speech michelle obama
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"It is my very own, special dream speech, not like any other dream speech," explains Mrs. Trump.
Guide to Not Raping An Unconscious Person
wearyourcape
2849 days ago
News Satire
college rape raping unconscious brock turner
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Simple steps anyone can take!
Earth Scientists Confirm 'Really Important Parts' of Planet's History Began w/Birth of Taylor Swift
wearyourcape
2864 days ago
News Satire
taylor swift 1989 earth science history planet
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Singer’s "1989" album considered "groundbreaking."
Iran Blows Kim Kardashian Cover: Shallow, Selfie-Taking Ruse Hides Elaborate Spy Operation
wearyourcape
2869 days ago
News Satire
kim kardashian undercover operation corrupt iranian youth cia
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Kardashian's "transition back to normal, civilian life" will take time.
Melania Trump Jobs Plan Will Hire 'Thousands' to Build Shoe Closets in White House
wearyourcape
2871 days ago
News Satire
melania trump
first lady
shoe closets
white house
jobs plan
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"I will need much room for my many gorgeous shoes," promises hopeful first lady.
Man Who Buys Leaf Blower No Longer Described As 'Well Liked' By Neighbors
wearyourcape
2892 days ago
News Satire
leaf blower noise smell
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"He used to sweep the sidewalk with a broom. Now he uses that thing," says neighbor.
Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder Hid in State Capitol to Avoid Detection by Attorney General
wearyourcape
2893 days ago
News Satire
governor rick snyder
michigan
flint water crisis
europe
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Governor has since flown to Europe to hide more effectively.
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