VoiceOfReason

The election campaign, only two weeks old, has descended into chaos with nobody knowing what is going on any more.

At the beginning everyone knew what was happening. The Tories were set to win a landslide because Labour's Jeremy Corbyn was a leftie anorak who nobody would vote for.

Donald Trump curtseyed like a girl today when receiving a medal from the Saudi king, according to an expert close to the president's knees.

An onlooker said: "If Saudi women were allowed to not wear a headdress they would look just like Donald Trump curtseying in this clip. That's if women were allowed to win medals in the kingdom."

A man who would have died had his operation gone fatally wrong thanked cyber attackers today for saving his life after his NHS operation was canceled at the last minute.

This brings to three the number of deaths prevented by the cyber attack in the NHS this weekend, a record.

EXCLUSIVE: Sean Spicer is somewhere in the picture above, hiding in the bushes to avoid questions over Russian connections to the Donald Trump administration yesterday, according to sources close to the lawn.

Spicer, the Senior White House Press Officer, took calls whilst in hiding and sent his assistant to the Press Room to answer questions instead.

Secret recordings heard by a person emailing this newspaper anonymously reveals that Donald Trump was told FBI Director James Comey's surname was pronounced 'Commie' in the early days of his presidency, in the latest shocking twist to this latest development.
This would explain why President Trump didn't dismiss FBI director James Comey immediately he came to power, as he assumed he was actually a Communist agent

Obi-Wan Corbyn has resigned himself to being killed by Darth Mayder in the upcoming general election as he knows his spirit will move on and allow Labour to win in other ways, just like wot happened in Star Wars, according to a young Labour Star Wars fan this morning.

An interview between the President of the United States, Donald Trump, and CBS anchor, John Dickerson, ended in a physical bloody confrontation today after the president repeatedly refused to say what he thought about his predecessor.

The unprecedented physical fight, seen on CBS, below, occurred after Trump was asked his views on the wiretaps allegedly authorised by Barack Obama on Trump and his team during the election.

A senior Conservative has said Theresa May's new strong and stable government will be snazzy too, in an off the record briefing.

The 53 year old politician said that he had looked it all up on the internet and that the landslide conservative victory will also be 'ritzy', 'dressy', 'flashy' and 'trendy' in a responsible way.

Opinions polls, which only days before were telling the prime minister to "go to the country", only three days later are saying "don't do it," according to the latest poll in a Sunday paper.

South Korea: Mike Pence, the US Vice President, was in South Korea today to use his own magic to stop one of Kim Jong-Un's impressive looking rockets, according to the person in the hotel room next to his.

Donald Trump has said he intends to go for an exciting cliffhanger every Friday for the rest of his presidency, 'just like the Fox TV series 24'.

Britain is to send battleships to Gibraltar as a sign of strength as Spain seeks to invade the peninsula during Brexshit negotiations, according to a shady looking character in Brussels. The battleships will be the same ones sent to the Falklands due to cost cutting.

British and International newspaper spoof, politics, entertainment and parody

Ickle dog owners were warned this morning not to let their little chums from swallowing the new one pound coin, because if they do it could get lodged in their little throats and choke them to death, according to three owners who had close calls.

The Prime Minster, Theresa May, has said the government is to spend some more time working on a poetic way to trigger Article 50.

Prime Minster Theresa May told reporters this morning, at an impromptu gaggle to which we were not invited, that she is set to use her soon to be confirmed power to trigger Article 50 in the 'most unexpected negotiatingly strategic way possible'.

Donald Trump says he has met a man in a darkened garage he says is code named DeepPockets, who told him that the conspiracy against him is 'huge' and that he should 'follow the money', just like DeepThroat in Watergate, according to the new president.

All arty Aries, who still write with a feather quill, are at significant risk of running out of ink more than twice this month. Ensure stocks of ink are replenished immediately because this month there is a lot of artfully inscribed penmanship ahead.

Live from The Oscars 2017: Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway announced the Best Picture from an envelope that said Best Actress on the front - he saw Emma Stone from La La Land so read out that the Best Picture was La La Land, but he should have had the envelope with the words Best Picture on the front and had he opened that it would have said Moonlight. This very mix up is set to be the subject of a new musical, the makers behind La La Land are believed to have said only minutes after their thanking for the Oscar they didn't get was brought to an abrupt halt.

Sean Spicer sang Old Man River in what was described by members of the press who had been invited to the press conference as a 'challenging, yet brilliant key'.