United we (space) stand. (return) Divided (return) wefall.
In hopes of forging a compromise, the White House is removing 2,500 catapults from its border security request which were meant to defend the wall between Mexico in the event of a siege.
A dog belonging to political consultant Roger Stone was arrested outside his Ft. Lauderdale home brandishing a 9mm handgun in front of a crowd of children. It's arraignment is scheduled for Tuesday.
After running a battery of tests to uncover the cause of your symptoms, your doctor this week reported he pretty much stymied as to what kind of issues you got.
Seeing no other way to remedy a dangerous situation, the president ended the government shutdown in hopes of averting a nationwide cheeseburger shortage.
Staking out what they hope will be another winning slogan, the president's campaign released a new theme line for his re-election in 2020: Make America Great Again Again
In hopes of finally putting all this nonsense behind Him, God decided to skip over the year 2019 entirely, and start the next presidential election ASAP.
Although believing he was locked in a titanic struggle of multi-dimensional chess for control of the universe with the Being who created it, Martin Gimlok of Shelvre, Delaware, it turns out, has been playing something much closer to the popular game checkers.
For the woman who has everything - this smart looking leather-bound book written by a Russian spy will give you the power to HYPNOTIZE your husband to do your bidding around the house, at parties, or even at his place of employment!
US Defense Secretary Jim Mattis abruptly resigned Thursday, dramatically boosting the chances of job seekers with no discernible skills whatsoever of getting a plum cabinet position in the most powerful organization on earth.
In the wake of revelations concerning contributions by Russian oligarchs, the National Rifle Association announced an official name change to better clarify its goals in the US, and will be known going forward as the National Russian Association.
A 1970's classic rock anthem from deceased singer-songwriter Warren Zevon was given a new lease on life Thursday in the nation's capital when it was played repeatedly for over four hours at an unusually loud volume in the West Wing of the White House.
"This is not a war we asked for," said General Cornwall Grouse to a small gathering of reporters at an undisclosed location on the outskirts of Juneau, "but it is a war we intend to win."
A new study released this week found that there was, in fact, no escape from the hellscape we inhabit called "being alive" except for a most likely painful and distressing death. Also, there are Bugles.
During an otherwise restful sleep, your dreams took an unexpected turn last night when German Chancellor Angela Merkel emerged from a forbidding forest to give you the location of a crucial cheat code for the video game Red Dead Redemption 2.
Although often maligned for not knowing the significance of American history, President Trump delivered an impassioned speech today to commemorate the anniversary of President Lincoln's "Gettysberg Address" in the town of Schittysberg, Kentucky.
In a gesture of goodwill toward Democrats this week, House Republicans said they are glad to be "moving forward" after the 2018 midterm elections and are "ready to work in a spirit of bi-partisanship and mutual respect".
After making the alarming announcement that Georgia's voting system had been hacked on the eve of the midterm elections, Secretary of State Brian Kemp announced this morning that the whole thing was just a crazy prank to rile people up.
Suffering from extreme fatigue and a broken political system that pits two unappealing parties against each other in never-ending rounds of bickering, voters across the US ran to the polls in huge numbers today in a bid to be ruled by a king and queen.
As local man Gerry Gurstaed nears retirement age, he is looking forward to watching the company he worked so hard for enjoy spending all the money it made off him over many years.