BarbedWireSatire

WISCONSIN (The Barbed Wire) - Wisconsin candidate Scott Walker became the second governor to bow out of the 2016 presidential race today. Walker said he was suspending his campaign and would reveal which candidate he will back for president at a later date. He blamed his spastic personality as the main reason he never connected with voters on a large scale.

OREGON (The Barbed Wire) - Determined to circumvent Congress, President Obama has decided on his first executive order related to gun control. He's ordering a ban on shotgun weddings, typically defined as any wedding that takes place quickly, usually to avoid embarrassment because of a pregnancy.

WASHINGTON D.C. (The Barbed Wire) - Establishment Republicans have been clamoring for Rep. Paul Ryan to run for Speaker of the House to fill the position being vacated by the exit of John Boehner. Ryan has been reluctant to put his name in for consideration because he knows it's a tough, thankless job.

FLORIDA (The Barbed Wire) - In a final effort to pump up his floundering poll numbers, Jeb! Bush has hired the Hillary Clinton campaign team to oversee a relaunch of his campaign. Since the Clinton team has relaunched Hillary's campaign six times in six months, Jeb! figured they were the right people for the job.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, TNA released the results of an in-house study measuring how favorably Americans viewed Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. The results showed the longer Hillary Clinton was in the public eye the more Americans recalled why they disliked her, and projected that by November 2016 over 78% of Americans would rather be murdered by blunt force trauma than vote for her.

TURKEY (The Barbed Wire) - Sticking to his strategy of no "boots on the ground" in the fight against ISIS, President Obama now says he is examining what he called "an interesting option" that could potentially take the place of his current strategy, which is military paralysis.

FLORIDA (The Barbed Wire) - With his campaign having as much traction as a three-legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond, Jeb! Bush is seeing the writing on the wall and starting to plan for life after presidential politics.

Beginning July 1, the nation’s largest retailer will venture into cosmetic surgery for the first time when Walmart begins offering Breast Enhancement Surgery at all Super Walmart locations

Clarrisa Melton, age 37 and still single, has been fat all her life. Her mother and father were fat and so were her grandparents who were so large, they both worked in the circus. After many years of watching slim and trim women on TV, and beautiful toned women in magazines, Melton decided to shed her 175 excessive pounds by supporting Barack Obama.

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com)

Former First Lady, Senator, and Secretary of State verified her frigid condition to the world with her latest lawsuit. The potential Presidential candidate spilled a twenty-two degree McDonald’s milkshake in her lap and sued the fast food chain because of the burns that she suffered.

LOS ANGELES (The Barbed Wire) - Embarrassed Family Feud and Miss Universe pageant host, Steve Harvey, is continuing to cleanse his conscience following his recent gaffe in announcing the wrong winner in the famous beauty contest. Harvey announced Ms. Colombia as the winner, when the real winner was Ms. Philippines, a mix-up that became a contest nightmare.

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

According to liberal pundits, national figures in the right-wing media have a puzzling habit of attacking Democratic National Committee chairwoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz’s hair. They have coupled this with other sexist attacks…For instance, Rush Limbaugh’s description of her as “one of those women you’re happy somebody else married.”
Here's a few current comments about Frizzle-dwarf and her hair….

Anywhere, USA
For years now we have lived through the terrible tragedy of random shootings and mass murders at the hands of gunmen. Each and every-time the media covers the story for days on end and usually heaps blame via pundits or reporters on the NRA, gun rights supporters, gun owners and even retailers who sell guns.

A woman in this sleepy hamlet in the northern district of Amburger-Elper has been walking around town asking for it, according to local men.

Blaming a clerical error for the initial oversight, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has amended this year’s list of nominees for Best Actor, adding Craig Robinson for his performance in “Hot Tub Time Machine 2.”

Shocking new statistics discovered by this newspaper show that 9 out of 10 people consider walking out of screenings of The Revenant simply to warm up, it has been claimed.

Manned by an all gay crew, the USS Tennessee Williams is a Virginia-class attack submarine capable of shooting missiles and all sorts of stuff, its Captain Marcelo McGary says.

“Though he’s only been on the scene a short time, he’s made inroads,” said political analyst Donna Brazile.

MAPLES GROVE, Iowa--Speaking to a large gathering of chickens in their coop, local farmer Benjamin Fisher promised to finally put an end to the steady stream of foxes that have entered the pen unfettered over the years, if he is able to successfully secure financing to purchase the farm where the chickens reside. "And I'm…

The U.S. Justice Department is attempting to cajole Apple into granting it rear entry to iPhones by claiming doing so would not violate the tech company’s ethical standards.