Next week, watch what happens to two Discord Staffers after a SPAM eating contest.
I’m not ignoring you, Pokey, you’re thinking of women. Booyah! Actually, I just don’t want to address the same issues more than an OCD stutterer with amnesia. I admit our society is growing a bit tone deaf these days, which is why I spend so much time discussing the cognitive distortions at play. In part, this is why I was…
I must say, Zano, ninety percent of what you write has nothing to do with my articles and the other ten percent seems to involve midget porn. Back in the day, when we’d watch the McLaughlin Group, I don’t remember that being such a prominent issue in world affairs. We need to find a way to agree on the basics! On this…
Yes, The Discord guy didn’t get to vote in the AZ Primaries. Voting was a shit show in my state last week, even by normal Arizona “standards”. Here was the excuse: When you changed your address, maybe you failed to fill out the voter demographic part properly. Uh, I haven’t moved, unless your talking about from the sofa to the fridge,…
In Related News: The folks over at SETI are transmitting a massive farting sound into deep space.
Burlington, VT—Despite their inherent voter suppression, gerrymandering, and white privilege, one liberal is defending the actions of conservatives. Sandra Smith of Burlington is insisting we protect the ideologically-impaired among us. “Although they still wield considerable power,” said Ms. Smith, “the long term prospects for the Grand Old Party is dim. As their habitat dwindles, they will likely become…
Brewing in a toilet tank near you.
Bend, OR—A man attempting to hoax some hikers in the Pacific Northwest was attacked and devoured by an angry sasquatch earlier today. One witness claims, “It was the most horrifyingly hysterical thing I’ve ever seen. You shit your pants, then you giggle, then you shit your pants some more, and then you giggle again. It was total side-sharting…
Flagstaff, AZ—The above image caused me some Facebook controversy. Not because The Discord already endorsed Hillary, which would make sense, but because I was seen fraternizing in Flagstaff with a flaming fanatical. Oh, the horror! Sorry if amidst the waning days of our democracy I want to hear a presidential candidate speak. I would love…
I wrote a little rebuttal ditty, not about Jack & Diane. I just wanted to clarify some statements made in Tony Ballz’s recent article The Confederate Flag: Public Opinion Is Often A Petty Thing. Well, I want to take issue with one statement in particular: “My defense remains the same: until fairly recently, the display of the…
Washington—President Barack Obama is using his executive authority to appoint a temporary Supreme Court Justice to the bench. The President is not interested in having a long vacancy for this critical position. Critics claim utilizing such temp agencies for the highest court in the land would be inappropriate. Republicans are calling the move “dumb” and “stupid.” They would like…
Trump Tower—A suspicious piece of mail arrived at Donald Trump’s son’s apartment yesterday. The mail contained an as yet identified substance referred to by republicans as Benghazite. A few hours ago the actress from those Progressive commercials, Flo, was bodily dragged from her home in TV land. Donald Trump is calling Flo a “person of interest in the case,” but …
“I am so embarrassed about this. Those tattoos on my shoulder are Henna, mom. Honest!”
N. Korea—The Glorious Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Un, announced today his country has a bomb capable of annihilating several American fictional cities. Jong Un stated, “We can now take out Springfield, South Park, and Toon Town with impunity. Our delivery range and new missile system is vastly improved over the Limp Dong I and the…
Chicago, Il—Jerry Springer’s publicist, Linda Shafran, is refuting a recent Daily Discord feature. She claims her client was on business in California on March 11th and not, as The Discord feature suggests, in attendance at the infamous Chicago Trump rally. She also added the person in the above image “only looks a tiny bit like Jerry.” The Discord staff…
Trump Tower—The Donald told reporters today the events at last night’s Trump rally in Chicago were planned and coordinated attacks. He believes they were not, as Hillary Clinton maintains, a spontaneous demonstration carried out by random progressive protestors. Trump believes this attack was anything but random. Trump told reporters, “Chicago has become a vacuum of power under the Obama…
Chicago, Il—Last night republican presidential candidate Donald Trump canceled his Chicago rally due to safety concerns. Trump was not happy with the number of protestors in the audience. The Chicago Police Department insisted they had a sufficient ratio of batons to black skulls and encouraged Trump to proceed with the event and antagonize minorities as he saw…
Glenn Beck Headquarters—Deep in the heart of an undisclosed Denny’s, Glenn Beck and the rest of the League of Extra Ordinary Gentlemen assembled in a last ditch effort to save the republican party. The Discord’s own field reporter, Cokie McGrath, was able to gain entrance to this clandestine group, before the breakfast specials ended. Glenn Beck…