According to police, the very bad dog waited until his master, wife and two small children were asleep before intentionally starting the blaze using several dishtowels he piled atop the stove.
Citing the dozens of deaths and disappearances that have occurred in each during recent months, officials announced today the planned destruction of Mount Everest and the West Maui Forest Reserve.
Featured during the program's weekly birthday segment, a portrait of Mengele - also known as the 'Angel of Death' for his role as head physician at the Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland between the years of 1940-1945 - appeared in between photographs of Donald Rumsfeld and G. Gordon Liddy while Ingraham praised his, "Dedicated and significant work in the field of medical science and personal freedom."
Leaked to the media despite his wishes to keep the results confidential, the final tally of the competition reveals a President who is not only the most calm and collected individual to currently work at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, but possibly to ever have ever served as Commander in Chief.
It's only twenty months until the next election, so if you're like most Americans and are running for President, it's time to kick off your campaign! The following are some tips that could help you achieve your goal...
According to many who know fashion but not nearly as well as Olivia Jade, the world's collective sense of style has degenerated precipitously following Giannulli's self-imposed exile amidst the college admissions scandal enveloping her family.
Appearing approximately 23 minutes into the eighth season's fifth episode, a Toyota Highlander Sport SE can be seen pulling into the background of a shot featuring Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow, another flagrant anachronism for a production still trying to laugh off a similar gaffe after a Starbucks cup was left in a scene during last week's episode.
Lori Loughlin has signed on with the Lifetime Network to appear in a new reality program that will document the actress' story of perseverence in the face of the ongoing college admissions scandal that continues to swirl around her and her family.
Amy Schumer announced last night during a stand-up appearance in St. Paul, Minnesota that her difficult and very public pregnancy has entered its 5th trimester.
Hampered by an increasingly tight labor market, Taco Bell announced this week that it will enhance its efforts to lure fresh talent with the offer of a new benefit.
A zombie killed by hikers in a remote border region of New Mexico Sunday has been revealed to be Jesus Christ of Nazareth, our Lord and Savior.
Pushing back against "PC thugs", President Trump vowed today that he would work to restore the rights of workers to harass one another in the workplace.
A black woman claiming to have escaped kidnappers in Chicago has been identified as Brady Baker, a boy who went missing from his Wisconsin home 8 years ago.
Trump scientists announced a major breakthrough in Artificial Non-Intelligence today with the unveiling of the ZeepZop 2000, a highly unintelligent device with no practical function.
President Trump selected himself as White House Employee of the Month this week, the 27th consecutive time he has conferred himself the same honor.
Taking his ongoing feud with John McCain to another dimension this week, President Trump reported today on Twitter that spirits he has been in contact with through a Ouija Board have tied deceased Senator John McCain to the recent Boeing Max 8 tragedies.
According to FBI spokesman Dale Palmer, the same who led the investigation that culminated in Loughlin's arrest on Tuesday, the elder Loughlin offered a judge and members of the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office an array of enticements - including coupons and vouchers for meals and local attractions - in a bid to insure her daughter would spend any future sentence she may receive in the exclusive prison.
The World Health Organization formally announced the eradication of Rubella today, a death knell to a virus that has taken several human lives throughout the ages.
Transexual fish-people could be behind much of the pro-vaccine propaganda currently circulating throughout the mainstream media, a disturbing new report on Facebook claims.
According to hospital spokesman Gary Templeton, the seven-pound, eight-ounce child shot his way out of his mother's uterus prior to engaging in a firefight with his obstetrician and police officers already at the scene.