She spoke in sexy baby-talk, which I hated before, but with the adrenaline from holding a live grenade, it was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard.
Editorial and political cartoons by award-winning cartoonist Rob Rogers, using humor and satire to lampoon politicians and issues of the day.
Parting ways with the superstar Zhao, who is still 21 years shy of his 60th birthday, seems incongruous with program schemes employed by SDSO Conductor Bill Conti, which have relied heavily on Zhao as the cornerstone of the string section since 2007.
PALMYRA, SYRIA (The Barbed Wire) - It appears the remodeling bug has hit the terror group ISIS in the Middle East. The group recently signed a deal with HGTV for a show in which a camera crew will follow the terrorists around to various locales as they turn the once historically rich region into the world's biggest sandbox.
Yelp launched DreamYelp.com today, a new website that will allow users to evaluate businesses they patronize in their dreams.
A group of scientists from the UK and Canada have disclosed that they have indisputably proved that Bob is not, in fact, your uncle, leading to widespread existential crises in the Commonwealth. "We truly wish it were otherwise," said Niles Anderson, of the University of Toronto. "Because now it the world seems a lot more difficult as a result. Bob made everything much easier, in principle at least."
RALEIGH, N.C. (TheSkunk.org) – The North Carolina legislature passed a bill today allowing public employees to deny services to Jews. The “Freedom to Ignore Jews Act” goes into effect immediately, and it prevents civil servants from facing prosecution for refusing to do anything for Jewish people.
I was really freaked out when I turned on my phone and found this convoluted narrative mess crawling across my screen.
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari): A national survey's findings on the sexual proclivities of America's anti-gay Christian leaders was released Sunday morning in time for many morning masses. The Boston University (BU) survey titled "Quantifying Anti-Gay Christian Leadership Duplicity" showed 7 out of every 10 respondents anonymously declared they were hiding at least one gay lover from virtually everyone else in their life.
Admits, "I'm losing muscle tone."
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): Yesterday, the White House confirmed reports that President Obama has been steadily increasing his daily consumption of alcohol since moving into the presidential residence in January 2009. Obama stated his alcohol intake has grown every day "just to deal with Republicans and their bullshit."
North Dakota has long expressed fears that South Dakota has not decommissioned all the missile silos it was supposed to in the 1980s and 1990s. North Carolina, in turn, suspects South Carolina of widespread industrial espionage in its high-tech Research Triangle Park, an area near Duke University where several leading biotech firms reside.
As the nation debates the immorality of the Confederate flag, a Southern activist group is taking it upon themselves to remind people of who they were over 150 years ago. After news broke about changing the $10 bill to feature a woman, Southern activist group Dern Tootin' started an online petition to change the face of the $50 from Ulysses S. Grant to Robert E. Lee.
Bilderberg is not the only conspiracy, claims journalist. What is secret of mystery group which meets at budget hotels? Is there a 'Conspiracy of the Insignificant'?
WASHINGTON -- In what’s being called a historic oversight, the U.S. Supreme Court has admitted that while it has ruled in favor of same-sex marriage, it has forgotten to rule in favor of same-sex divorce.
In an effort to avoid a complete financial meltdown, Greece announced today that it is leaving the Euro and converting to the Gyro. With an economy that's just a tad bit larger than that of Oregon's, the Greek government decided that it's just too small to handle the Euro
Supreme Court justice feeling much more like his old self again.
The Department of Homeland Security is asking the public to stop spreading images of hybrid Confederate-LGBT rainbow flags.
"Our investigation has uncovered incontrovertible evidence that this entire operation has been run from the start by the Alberta Ministry of Economic Development. I am deeply disappointed in this shameful exploitation of American consumers by an ostensibly law-abiding country like Canada," he added. "Shame, shame, Canada."
Donald Trump has had a rough month. After making racist remarks about Mexicans, the GOP presidential candidate and real estate tycoon lost his TV deal with Univision and had his menswear line at Macy's dumped. But Trump is anything but a defeatist, and his staff says he's now "en fuego."