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In what is becoming an eerily regular occurrence, armed gunmen injured and killed dozens of innocent citizens in California today for no apparent reason.
LSU’s Coates Hall, best known for freshman-level classes and persistent glory holes, is about to become a little more friendly to transgender people who want to participate in anonymous oral sex in a relatively safe environment.
NASA Scientists released information, along with a Top Secret report, concerning the recent discovery of human remains spotted laying on the surface of the Earth’s moon.
WASHINGTON D.C. (The Barbed Wire) - Trying to put American's fears to rest about the possibility of bringing tens of thousands of Muslim refugees into the country from Syria, President Obama reassured the nation today that there wouldn't be any problems with his plan because Muslims "just don't radicalize once they get here."
Take part in our brilliant Donald Trump sweepstakes as we guess what the probable Republican candidate for president will say next... Just print out and cut out each line and have fun

"All UFO abductions must be investigated"

"I will make Arnold Schwartzenegger illegal"

"Brillo Pads will be renamed Trump Pads in honor of my brilliant hairdo"
College Park, MD – “Hey honey, you’ve got to come see this,” yelled Jamie Grundwald out the front door of his neighbor’s house.  “Get over here quick.  This is hilarious!”
The sexy rumor this week is that lovers Kim Kardashian and Kanye West welcomed a brand new baby boy into the world.
Lincoln Police are urging all women living in Lancaster County to exercise extreme caution after 54 year-old Marilyn Barker was raped behind a Big Lots in Newkirk last night, the fourth victim of sexual assault in the area this month.
Alone and penniless for the first time, Fatima Bin Laden was forced to leave Pakistan last year and find work in her home country of Saudi Arabia after US Navy SEALS put an end to her husband Osama’s career as a world reknown terrorist.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, President Obama announced the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) - a massive multinational trade deal the president intends to sign - will protect the freedoms of all Americans to earn lower wages and become unemployed. President Obama explained the two innately-American liberties would be protected by the TPP, which will make it even easier for corporations to offshore American jobs to countries with lower wages.
EL PASO (The Barbed Wire) - Republican front runner Donald Trump has taken a lot of heat recently for his comments that all Muslims should be kept out of the country until Congress can figure out a way to properly vet any Muslims coming in first.
Washington – Talks in Washington are hot and heavy about getting rid of the penny as part of the US currency.  
After promising a ‘stocking-stuffer' like no other…And actually in a real pair of stockings, Santa Claus announced today the new cloning process will allow him to fulfill every male teenagers sexual dream for next Christmas too.
Today, the same elite media who no doubt send their own kids to private schools that employ armed security, just can’t stop howling ridicule at the NRA’s idea to give every student in America those same protections.
WASHINGTON (The Barbed Wire) - In a press conference today, President Obama laid out his latest vision for defeating terror in the Middle East and restoring a feeling of safety among Americans here at home. The president seemed more serious in his remarks today, and his rhetoric was the harshest he's used on the subject to date.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the largest corporate media outlets in the United States confessed they were purposely ignoring U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont - a Democratic presidential candidate - as much as they could. The corporate media syndicate asserted Sanders was "too serious" about running for president, and his focus on all the negative characteristics of the United States made him "too pessimistic and objective" for an American public that must focus on being afraid of terrorism, conformity to the status quo, celebrity drama, and... Donald Trump.
A new study has confirmed something women have been complaining about for years. The research, out of the University of Breast Information and published in the current issue of Big Boob Magazine essentially corroborates the belief that people tend to focus more on the breasts and figure of a woman when analyzing her appearance than they do on her face.
After reviewing almost 5,000 digital photographs taken from inside the sunken luxury liner the Titanic, a Woods Hole scientist has concluded that there were survivors who lived inside the ship for up to five years after it slipped beneath the waves on April 14th, 1912.
Major Tim Peake entered the Space Station with thumbs skywards even though up there skywards was downwards. But in spite of the sky confusion all went well and endless messages from the Space Station are expected in the coming six months.
Ever since the war to take down the Galactic Empire ended, Han Solo and his trusty co-pilot Chewbacca have been scrounging around for work.  Although there is finally a new Star Wars movie coming out, the Canadian military commissioned the two well respected pilots to test some planes similar to TIE fighters that were popular during that era.