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New London, Conn – (
State troopers from around the tri-state New England area vowed to never invite ex-Vice President Joe Biden to future Fraternal Order of Police conventions in fear of losing its core of rank and file membership over homosexual issues promoted by Biden in his hour-long speech to over 600 law enforcement attendees.
Seattle,WA – (
The Seattle city government has frowned upon city employees using the words “brown bag” and “citizen.” Instead of “brown bag” lunch, sack lunch should be used and instead of “citizen,” resident should be used.
The White House – (
With 15% of the American people on food stamps and unemployment increasing as thousands of business lay off workers due to healthcare cost fears, President Obama took some time off from golf to pardon a turkey for Thanksgiving.
Capitol Hill – (
Flustered and grim, Representative Maxine Waters took time out from her Impeach Donald Trump hearing to make new sexual charges against almost 280 Republican House of Representatives members who she says asked her to put on a bikini in violation of House Rules governing sexual harassment.
Islamabad, Pakistan -(
Reality TV’s latest offering is sure to raise eyebrows and a few tempers as season one of The Real Housewives of Islamabad makes its way to the small screen. Shot on location in Pakistan’s capitol, Islamabad, the first of sixteen segments is set to begin final editing as soon as goat herding and shearing process’ finalize sometime after the winter birthing season for three of the woman who comprise the six main characters.
Paris, France-(
The Paris Hilton admitted today that it had royally screwed Senator Al Franken the last time the Minnesota Senator visited the French capitol.
The recent headlines embarrassed the senator after the hotel admitted it cheated him out of double-dipper frequent flyer miles by neglecting to properly process the bonus points to the Senator's credit card.
Beaver Falls, MT – (

Ward was glad to see the old gang again, but was really excited to see the Beaver too.
Due to the recent interest in the new movie “The Beaver,” Hollywood has decided to remake “Leave It To Beaver” as both a television series and as a motion picture. “The Beaver,” a film with Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster, has absolutely nothing to do with the television series and involves a man who can only speak through an animal puppet on his hand. When viewers heard of the movie, however, they thought that the famous 50’s Cleaver family was returning.
Cleveland, OH – (
A bingo hall in Cleveland announced plans to hold Catholic church services in their basement. Owner of the Grace Bingo Parlor said that this practice would begin in early June and would continue as long as the church services were successful and well attended.
Hollywood, CA (

According to her publicist, actress Heidi Montag is home taking a rest for the next six weeks, “Heidi is taking some time off to allow her back and spine some needed rest.”
Cairo, Egypt-(
Egyptian authorities have begun the process of building the fourth Pyramid of Giza in order to alleviate the severe unemployment problem that has plagued the country since 5,000 BC. Labor sources have related that up to 4 million laborers will be needed to haul cut stone from the ancient quarry located 30 miles from the building site in time to celebrate the new constitution and subsequent free elections.
NASA-Washington DC- (

Agents at the NSA have finally broken an ultra secret code that thwarted the intelligence agency for almost 25 years. The suspected breach of national security was discovered during a review of a Congressional speech that was televised in 1985. The 45 minute speech was given by Congresswomen Nancy Pelosi of California as she addressed the Congressional Investigative Committee for Unidentified Flying Objects (CICUFO).
A new horror film “The Malignant Seven” opened at The Lockheed Martin IMAX Theater located at the National Air and Space Museum in Washington, DC, for Halloween night only. The theater’s six-story screen is bigger than any other in the city. If you’ve ever wanted to be immersed in an R-Rated, 60 feet high slimy political horror film, The Malignant Seven produced by Harvey Weinstein and directed by Michael Moore fulfilled your every wish!
Former Democratic National Committee (DNC) Chair Donna Brazile has released excepts from her forthcoming book entitled “Hacks.” Donna exposed the sins of Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party hierarchy during the 2016 Presidential election cycle.
Seattle, WA – (

On the first anniversary of the 2016 presidential election, anti-Trump liberals gathered at events across the country to express their rage of losing a ‘shoo-in’ election in 2016 by ‘screaming helplessly at the sky’.
Condor, CA – (

The buying rush has officially began in parts of the US as hundreds of thousands of former Hillary Clinton supporters rush out to buy new shelter for themselves and their families before the impending mid-term elections.
Westminster Abbey, London – (
During the procession of bride Kate Middleton, Baron Ilford Montbatten was quietly escorted from the main gallery of Westminster Abbey after a complaint was lodged against him with the Metropolitan Police. The complaint was signaled to officers by Pippa Middleton, the bride’s sister and Maid of Honor. Pippa said she observed Montbatten powering up his x-ray vision glasses as she passed holding her sister’s bridal train in full view of spectators.
Madina, Saudi Arabia – (

A Saudi woman said to be haunted by jinn (Genie spirits) beat and tortured herself for hours with fire until she fell unconscious and died later at hospital.
New York NY – (
Mrs. Philbert suggested we get away from Pizmo Beach Pennsyltucky for a few days, now that the 2016 elections were over and only a few “lame ducks” remain in Washington DC. We decided to motor to “The Big Apple” New York City (NYC). Our first mistake was in using Interstate 80 and trying to cross the George Washington Bridge during the evening rush hour. Things went downhill from there!

Orlando, FL – (

A judge with a sense of humor charged a man with using a weapon of mass destruction during a Catholic church service. The man, Percival Pissgums of Orlando, Florida, was arrested after repeatedly passing gas in St. Anthony’s Cathedral.
Louisville, KY – (
With Halloween just a few days away, one of the most sacred times for the ancient people that lived off the land approaches…The Autumn Equinox, the time of harvest. If you’re in downtown Louisville today and someone says ‘Merry Meet,’ don’t be surprised at the friendly gesture. After all, this is National Pagan Day, and the folks in Louisville are celebrating by hosting a big Pagan Fair where crafts, gifts, and a few food vendors are offering up typical southern fare.