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Philmaggitti

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President Trump took time from his death match Twitter smackdown with Michael Bloomberg to post the following tweet early this morning, "Is Mayor Pete a pitcher or a catcher? Enquiring voters want to know."
Mr. Jefferson announced last summer that he was ending his one-year retirement from basketball—only to announce shortly thereafter that he was retiring again because the only team that offered him a job was the New York Knicks. The Knicks promptly and emphatically denied that they had done any such thing.
James Carville described Pennsylvania as "Philadelphia on one side, Pittsburgh on the other, and Alabama in between.” We should not be surprised, therefore, that today is National Drunks Against Mad Mothers Day, sponsored by DAMM Pennsylvania.
Most people can recall their first sexual experience, but judging from the responses to the 2020 Postcards from the Pug Bus Sex Survey, not everyone puts a smiley face on that memory.
Jessica Simpson read the news today, oh boy, and now the singer-actress wants to adopt a pillow angel. Ms. Simpson had been interested in adopting a child formerly, but after scoring poorly on a questionnaire sent to her by an adoption agency in Tijuana, Mexico, she became dispirited.
"Baptism is the original sin, inflicted on innocent children without their consent. From the time of Abraham the notion of sacrificing a blameless child has been the true believer's go-to move, but if churches were honest, they would raise the age of consent for baptism to twenty-one, at least."
National Poisoned Cha-Cha Day, when the war between the sexes took a turn for the grim after a woman in Sao de Jose Rio Preto, Brazil, had tried to kill her husband by putting a poisonous substance in her vagina and then asking him if he fancied a box lunch.
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Toyota was been swamped with complaints about drivers turning left from right-hand lanes, taking up handicapped spaces in parking lots, using their high beams to blind other drivers, and crushing companion animals because the drivers didn't see them.
There is only one kind of person in the world. He who knows about Schrödinger’s cat, and he who doesn't. For most of us, however, Schrödinger’s cat is a meme in search of a meaning.
"The proof is in the 'putting,' so to speak," added Mr. Gonzales. "Strom Thurmond, Tony Randall, and Paul McCartney were all rowing on Golden Pond when they fathered children."
When the Blessed Virgin Mary, who knew something about warding off penetration, appeared to Polycarp in a dream, Polycarp awoke and immediately stuffed his ears with cow dung,
Not content with persecuting people who use "after-market" handicapped stickers in spaces that would otherwise remain empty, the CapiNazis are coming after emotional support animals.
Penultimate means "last but one in a series of things; the next to last." Penultimate does not mean nor should it be allowed to mean "the most ultimate" or "the most awesome" ever.
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In order to promote a more inclusive linguistic union, the Pug Bus vows to use "gay," "gaily," and many clever derivations thereof to flog shamelessly our Gay OG campaign.
"The Aristocrats" is the world's filthiest joke. As a public service we present this fill-in-the-blanks version of the joke, which you are free to adapt for your own purposes and family occasions.
So, Virginia, there was no manger, no GPS star in the sky, no ripe-smelling shepherds, no ox or ass shitting all over the place. Jesus was born somewhere. We’re just calling bullshit on the story that organized religions have been peddling all these years.
Fair Kamala cozily strapped in her bed, electrodes from focus groups taped to her head. Short Petey was playing with his newest toy, a lovely dark-chocolate Nubian boy.
"Screw the pooch" is a gateway expression that leads to other, more disgusting, expressions like "doggy style," "shoot the puppy," or "dead dog bounce."
The CBD that works best is the CBD that works with more than a mean-spirited amount of THC. CBD is like vegetables: It's best used as a garnish for the meat of the meal.
Within the last ten years gluten-free (GF) products got themselves a bandwagon and an agitated posse/fan club of non-celiac pretenders. From 2009 to 2014 celiac-disease numbers remained stable. The number of people following GF diets? It tripled. WTF?