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Musk claimed to have never tried heroin before but he took to it like a duck to water or a Scotsman to heroin.
The ‘Pharma Bro’ was found guilty of fraud and sentenced to two years. But Judge Kiyo Matsumoto decided that the sentence wasn’t enough and has jacked it up 5000%.
Desperate to be touched like a woman, Karen Pence made the bold move to draw attention to her needs.
The meeting is set to last between thirty to sixty minutes depending on just how quickly Trump kowtows to all of Putin’s demands.
A loosely grouped collection of scientists, philosophers and laypeople have fundamentally agreed that bed is the place to be and any attempt to get you out of bed should be resisted as strongly as possible.
It’s not known at this time how ISIS (the terrorist organisation) will react to this bold move from President Trump.
Trump, who has authored 17 books (making him the first president to have written more books than he’s read), spoke directly to press today to confirm the tragedy.
Lionel The Lion expressed his views today during a discussion on Zeb Talk which received a record number of complaints.
The staff member has been named as Bart Bright. He burst out of the front doors of the White House at roughly 4pm whilst draped in an American flag and holding a folder.
During an informal meeting between the president and several high ranking Russian officials including politicians, ambassadors, and diplomats, Donald Trump was teased that he was being left in the dark about key elements of national security.
While some bystanders were shocked, others cheered as Melania Trump, FLOTUS, was removed in handcuffs. Barron Trump was said to have appeared apathetic to his mother’s fate.
Putin, the President of Russia, becomes the first acting foreign politician to serve as head of the FBI. And it’s his wealth of experience that impressed Trump so much.
The halol emoticons have already been designed by a team of Muslim women, who were then all put to death in a traditional manner to purify the emoticons.
The overgrown man-child still requires adult supervision at night time, and only immigrants seem willing to handle to task.
Art Baxendale (37) is enjoying the breeze on his legs, blissfully unaware that his display is proving powerfully erotic to the women around town.
May, who personally packs a lunchbox for each of her cabinet members, left a personal message for her Foreign Secretary after the pair had yet another falling out over the details of Brexit.
Trump will leave Mar-a-Lago and the Trump International Golf Club to visit the White House and spend some time relaxing in the Oval Office.
In an effort to ‘clean up’ the Oxford Dictionary, the word ‘gullible’ will no longer be defined within its pages. The committee hopes this will cause the word to die out.

‘Calling somebody “gullible” is deeply insulting and offensive and we don’t want the dictionary to be a book of hate. After careful consideration we have decided to remove it entirely,’ said Ken Simon, a professor of the English language.
Just three years after Scotland voted to remain part of the United Kingdom, the First Minister of Scotland is pushing for another vote after seeing the Conservatives push through a ‘hard Brexit’.
With both countries suffering from a lack of true political leadership, British and American police joined forces to find ‘missing’ competent politicians. However, after an extensive six month search, police on both sides of the Atlantic have given up the search.