Check Please!

Avatar
Ironenews

0 Following 0 Followers
Our top Sports reporter, Richard Head, lives and dies by the journalistic mantra: “always go straight to the source”.
White House Press Secretary Raj Shah released a statement to the press yesterday concerning President Trump and his referring to some immigrant countries as “shitholes”.
A shocking new study conducted by the University of BFE in Tallasasaquatchaheely, TX shows that only 10% of Southerners are as stupid as Northerners think–or as Northern teachers tell students in history classes.
According to one commuter: “It’s almost as if he was aware of his surroundings and knew that he could spare the space, even though he has testicles.”
According to every major poll in galaxies near and far, far away, the one thing fans were hoping would finally be added to the Star Wars universe: a purple-haired Laura Dern.
The once very popular television series, Crime Scene Investigation, which aired from 2000 to 2015, has recently announced that it will finally be able to properly reward viewers for their years and years of investment in the field of Forensic Science.
Local resident and accountant, Barry Bishop, has been accused this week of lying about his severe gluten allergy. The incident took place at his neighbor’s Sunday night football party, where Barry was seen consuming large amounts of Bud Light and pepperoni pizza.
LaVar Ball, first of his glorious name, has borne a “heavy burden” for far too long, and may the Balls grant him the strength to carry it.
Seeing that celebrities are not normal, everyday human beings, they shouldn’t be held to normal, everyday conceptions of love and commitment.
A representative for Pop Music, formerly a rep for Bubblegum Pop–and before that, just a fan–recently announced a major change for the genre...
Startling new research shows that stretching is not the same as yoga.
Al Franken, dogged by multiple, mistaken harassment claims and photographic evidence, bravely faced the public and released a statement of apology–privately, through his representative.
Last Saturday morning, as the dawn sloughed off its Chicago overcoat and lifted its red face like a Russian flag on a Florida honeymoon, a hipster hit the streets. And then a parked bus.
Tom Seether, well into his late thirties, works at Middlemen Incorporated, a company dedicated to providing services for “middle men”.  He’s disgruntled now.
Last August, Adidas released its all-new Alpha-Jordan NMD-Ultra shoes...This prompted a craze within the frightfully-faced masses to buy the shoes to draw attention away from their ugly mugs.
Pop star and current self-revisionist, Taylor Swift, held an exclusive interview with Iron E! reporter, Ima Noyeen, at her apartment in New York (Swift’s, not Ima’s) and we’re here to give you the inside scoop.
A $100 permit and microchip implant a must for iguana identification?  Too many iguanas?  Watch out.  Iguanas growing to be 6 feet long?  May live 20 years?  Terrorist iguanas?
Area resident and father of two, Harry Fits, was accused yesterday of sneezing under false pretenses.
Gary Choad, an avid white piece only chess player and current resident assistant at UVA, has lost his marbles.
Greg Chortleberger, a clever but wholly unknown armchair physicist, has recently dedicated his life to proving (or falsifying) one of the major aspects of Isaac Newton’s first law of inertia: Objects at rest tend to stay at rest until moved upon by an outside force.