Check Please!

Avatar
Ironenews

0 Following 0 Followers
DARFUR—A rare Gerbillus Burtoni, or Burton’s Gerbil, destined to become some predator or insect’s meal, was rescued yesterday in the western part of one of Africa’s most chaotic countries.
Amanda Flerd, a 12 year old middle school student from Richmond, Virginia, recently gave a current events speech to her class, informing them of the latest political tensions in America while offering lucid analysis on its current state of affairs.
According to a survey conducted by the American Research Society, thirty-something-year old men all over the world are still responding randomly to questions with the phrase, “your mom”. And finding it funny.
Jonas Naughtbright saw immediate improvement just one day after using household bleach.
The Food and Drug Administration has issued their approval for a radical new medication that comprehensively solves the sleep disorder known as insomnia.  Incidentally, it has also helped solve a number of other unforeseen issues – one being the need to ever to wake up again.
The Last Jedi Star Wars stuff and a little Skywalker too.  Some Han Solo, Sand Peeps, and tiny Ewoks totally.  Very, very lightsabery battle with a hint of dark side, splash of force, stirred in a Tatooine Vadershake.
It appears ESPN anchor Ed Werder has been asked to come in on a Saturday.  And, if you would believe it, he’s gonna have to come in on Sunday too.
It’s Monday again, otherwise known as Xanax Day, and local lab specimen Ernie 13 is a rat reborn.
Area man, Pat Myas, is a lover of all things Facebook, but his friends would never know it.
The US Men's Soccer Team is looking to beef up its defensive strategy in preparations for the World Cup.
Kentuckian Jim Ballsinger–brother, son, lover, hootenanny coordinator–recently returned from his daily therapy session in seemingly high spirits. We think.
Because the producers of the hit show felt that they weren’t accurately reflecting their fan base, they will present for your viewing pleasure: Sad Sacks 2018.
Take a little walk down meme-ory lane with dictator extraordinaire, Kim Jong Un.
Some people call it procrastination, local man Mort Feebly calls it being clutch.
It’s Easter 2017 and celebrities all over the world are sending their annual shout out to God, seeking guidance on some crucial life decisions.
United Airlines, unbeknownst to many customers, has recently begun offering additional incentives to get passengers on overbooked flights to take a later plane.  According to an airlines spokesperson, these perks are offered with the customer in mind and are “for their own damn good.”
After extensive online research conducted by this news site and all its related partners and entities, we have officially concluded that there is no connection between the release of Apple’s iPhone 8 and the upcoming film, Star Wars 8, other than the number 8.
Iron E-News has been given the chance to attend a very special and exclusive book signing in an exotic, distant, and oft misunderstood place: the residential palaces in the heart of the DPRK.
According to FEMA, this is without doubt, one of the worst disasters in our nation’s history.
Mr. Cucumberpatch revisits his role as Doctor Strange in Thor: Ragnarok.