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Ironenews

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Here's all you have to do: go to your doctor right after you sell your house and tell him, “I want The Khloe Kardashian, please!” Your life, body, nose, eye, lip, face, and butt will never be the same.
Men and women around the world are discovering their bodies are different…in the strangest of places. Billions of men are reporting one form of genitalia and billions of women are reporting something quite the opposite – and these two (what seem to be) puzzle pieces are leaving everyone puzzled.
SAN FRANSISCO–Avid marathoner Brendon Pfeffer, originally from a small town outside of Toronto, has just admitted to us that he knows he doesn’t have to pay someone money to run.
An independent political group, Millennials in Politics (MIP), has initiated a petition to put the acronym SMH (shaking my head) on the 2020 presidential ballot.
FORT WORTH–An area residence is under investigation tonight after a vigilant neighbor, Sarah Noying, called in to report “dangerous levels of masculine behavior” happening right over their shared fence.
Senator Bernie Sanders and former Mayor of New York, Michael Bloomberg, better known as hecklers Waldorf and Statler on The Muppets, have officially announced their decision to join the 2020 presidential race.
Satirical papers across the country are announcing that President Trump will no longer be considered a target of ridicule and general lampooning because, according to them, “it’s getting old”.
In a rare and exclusive press conference yesterday, a representative of the cosmos revealed an answer to a one of life’s most fundamental yet elusive questions: why are we here?
Let’s be honest, feeling smart is way better, and so much more important, than being smart.  If you don’t feel smart, how can you be self-confident?  If you can’t be self-confident, how can you be a success?  If you can’t be a success, how can you feel smart?  See?
Olympic curling specialist Arthur P. Luck feels like he was born for this sport. It wasn’t always this way though.  Growing up in the heartland of middle America, he had never actually heard of the sport until he was a senior in high school.
If you have an emotional support animal, you know how great they are.  You also know that dogs are tres passé.  In their stead, people are turning to other more obvious heroes such as the ones we've included here.
A bunch of lit classes I have to take (because they make you take them if you’re a communications major, even though I don’t see what literature has to do with communication) have books in them talking about all the irony we have in modern life. And even though some guy said 9-11 was the death of irony I noticed there’s still plenty of it around, especially in college.
With yet another US mass shooting happening at yet another school this past Wednesday, gun critics and anti-gun fanatics have come crawling out of the woodworks to rehash their tired, illogical arguments against the 2nd amendment–our God-given right to bear any and all AR-15 or 57, M16, AK 9, 12, 74, 101, 102, or 103, Barrett, Berretta, Ruger, M1 or M110, Sig, Browning, or Colt ad infinitum we can get our hands on.
In an effort to increase viewership during the Winter Games, the Olympic Committee announced a few changes to the event itinerary.
Vegan restaurants all around the world have begun to offer something for free that’s already been on many menus since the inception of meat-free, egg-free, dairy-free, taste-free dining: pure, unadulterated judgment.
Our top Sports reporter, Richard Head, lives and dies by the journalistic mantra: “always go straight to the source”.
White House Press Secretary Raj Shah released a statement to the press yesterday concerning President Trump and his referring to some immigrant countries as “shitholes”.
A shocking new study conducted by the University of BFE in Tallasasaquatchaheely, TX shows that only 10% of Southerners are as stupid as Northerners think–or as Northern teachers tell students in history classes.
According to one commuter: “It’s almost as if he was aware of his surroundings and knew that he could spare the space, even though he has testicles.”
According to every major poll in galaxies near and far, far away, the one thing fans were hoping would finally be added to the Star Wars universe: a purple-haired Laura Dern.