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Docsleaze

http://thesleaze.co.uk
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Top crime figures demand government lift lockdown to facilitate their members. Robberies, burglaries and street crimes at a standstill due to anti-Covid measures. Crime unions claim fewer people at home and more potential victims on the streets needed to kickstart UK crime.
Are celebrities exploiting captive audience provided by coronavirus lockdown? Accusations that inane celebrity videos driving housebound population to brink of insanity as instances of arson, attempted murder and suicide rise sharply.
Has the real Boris Johnson been replaced by clones? Journalist posits incendiary theory that Prime Minister actually died of Covid-19 and cloned by Tory Party to avoid public panic. As many as three Boris clones claimed to be on loose.
Small communities fearing panic buying bands of brigands might fall upon their local shops recruit mercenaries to protect their villages. Devon pensioners engage 'Magnificent Seven', while others employ mercenaries to to clear bandits threatening OAP supermarket shopping hours.
As UK goes into lockdown, popular culture struggles to deal with restrictions imposed by social distancing rules in order to ensure that it is show business as usual. Proposals for gossip columnists to simulate celebrity incidents with dolls while suggestions that football season be continued via Subuteo mooted.
Will Boris Johnson's much vaunted virility, as he gets another woman up the duff, prove to be his downfall? Top Labour spin doctor plans election broadcast simulating Prime Minister in bed copulating with a woman - believes public revulsion at sight of all those wobbling buttocks and horrendous grunting will persuade voters to abandon Boris.
Is coronavirus 'Fake News'? Conspiracy theories 'go viral' as President Trump claims Covid-19 is Chinese/Democrat conspiracy to discredit him, while UK conspiracy theorist claims virus is cover up for zombie apocalypse.
Constitutional crisis or cobblers? Will Prince Harry and Meghan's decision to renounce royal life and live on council estate in Slough result in end of the monarchy as we know it? Royal experts disagree as to consequences of Harry becoming Uber driver.
What lies behind Pope Francis’ assault on a woman in St Peter’s Square on New Year’s Eve? Was he fighting off sex starved Papal groupie, or was he preparing to fight evil with his fists?
Man threatens to sue NHS for reviving him from clinical death. Claims medics' actions wrenched him unwillingly from heavenly paradise. Controversially claims hereafter is eternal pub presided over by Christ the Geezer.
Santa's memoirs threaten to reveal salacious details of celebrities caught in flagrante delicto as he came down their chimneys. Legal action threatened as details of Peeping Santa's activities made public.
Boris Johnson in pre-election fist fight with shopping mall Santa. Furious Father Christmas accuses top Tory of indoctrinating kiddies in Grotto visit.
Is the Tory Party under Boris Johnson actually a death cult? Top political analyst claims Tory supporters being lead into oblivion by a false Messiah.
Does Labour have 'Manifesto of Madness' designed to undermine middle class conservatism through compulsory drug taking and homosexuality? Extraordinary claims by Tories that Corbyn victory would mean 'enforced permissiveness'.
Is Britain’s National Health Service being transformed into a ‘National Death Service’? Activist argues Tories turning NHS into institution for mass euthanasia of poor, disabled and elderly.
Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time, a reader fears that we will never be rid of a group og ghosts constantly trolling her over her appearance. Can the Rev help?
Has Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage been converted to the cause of Remain? Has he been secretly brain-washed by EU with aim of sabotaging latest Bexit deal? Or is he victim of black magic plot on part of powerful witch doctor and Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn?
Reality TV show that gets participants to film own adult movies is latest UK viewing sensation. 'Great British Porn Challenge' hailed as greatest TV phenomenon since 'Great British Bake Off'. Makers claim series aims to revive lost skills of adult movie production in the UK.
Is Boris Johnson the reincarnation of neolithic sex beast? Incredible claims that Prime Minister's alleged groping of women is result of this bestial past life involuntarily reasserting itself. Claims that other right wing leaders also apes in past lives.
Parliamentarians fear any attempt to arrest law breaking Prime Minister Boris Johnson might result in parliament being smashed by his Hulk alter ego. Experts, however, believe if Johnson allowed to break law with impunity, law breaking will be legitimised and the UK overwhelmed by lawlessness.