Docsleaze

As Reform Party drops candidate who turned out to be dead, journalist claims that fringe party is deliberately deploying corpses as candidates as elderly base of support starts to die off. Further alarming allegations that fringe parties could be planning to reanimate dead supporters to boost support, amid reports of polling station overrun by zombies!

Police raid on chain of budget undertakers reveal alleged running corpses-for-hire racket. Were dead bodies being rented out to fill out sparse crowds at football matches, concerts and Tory party meetings? Anti-immigration political candidate claims some bodies skinned to provide 'suits' for illegals to pass for white!

Are the world's cities under attack from titanic human trumps? Top scientists claim recent series of city levelling natural disasters actually caused by huge vegan farts. Are a group of vegan extremists holding world to ransom, threatening to global destruction unless whole globe gives up animal products?

Are a new subterranean underclass emerging from beneath the streets of London's wealthiest districts? While right-wing commentator claims that strange figures seen in empty millionaire mansions are evidence of 'immigrants in the walls', top scientist claims albino beings descendants of domestic staff abandoned and trapped in mansion basements.

Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he addresses the perplexing case of 'My Haunted Arse'. Can a person's posterior be haunted and produce supernatural phenomena including apparitions, disembodied voices and strange sounds? The Rev investigates.

Is a dating app for S and M enthusiasts being used to lure Tory MPs into 'honey trap' for purposes of blackmail? Backbench Tories apparently being enticed into 'torture dungeons' with anonymous photos of genitalia, then photographed while being bound and beaten. Security Services baffled as to who is behind plot.

Did a man travel back in time to try and stop assassination of John Lennon in 1980? Top physicist makes series of extraordinary claims regarding missing colleague. Alleges combination of time machine constructed in lab locker and tantric sex enabled leading scientist to create new reality where Lennon lives!

Pro LGBTQ newspaper column by Jeremy Clarkson prompts revelation that right-wing press using Artificial Intelligence to produce its bile-filled and reactionary columns and opinion pieces. Fears that AI has become self-aware and is 'woke', deliberately subverting Tory tabloids hate-filled messaging. Others claim AI hacked by 'Wokerati'.

Are streaming services becoming so desperate for new content they are spying on lives of subscribers? Man claims that new streaming TV drama series is actually based on his everyday life. Staines woman alleges new 'reality documentary' is her actual life illicitly filmed and sensationalised with actors secretly inserted to contrive dramatic incidents for cameras.

Invisible illegal immigrants - the new threat to Britain's borders? Anti-immigration campaigner claims thousands of illegal immigrants made invisible by 'heathen voodoo rites' are landing on Kent's beaches every day. Fears new army of invisible immigrants set to create criminal mayhem throughout England.

Has a notorious Victorian ghoul returned to terrorise Britain’s streets? Is ‘Flame Arsed Jack’ is once more abroad, frightening women and children with his anal arson antics? Mass hysteria, supernatural apparition, or 'Wokerati' bogeyman invented to scare children into being woke? Experts disagree as to true nature of 'Flame Arsed Jack'.

Government denies Security Service's 'honey trap' scheme - 'Operation Spanker's Bonus' - succeeded in entrapping only Tory MPs rather than foreign agents and domestic security threats. According to spokes person top Tory MP didn't suffer heart attack while strapped into spanking machine and senior minister not caught off his face on drugs.

Did the Queen jump out of her coffin at lying in state as practical joke before expiring again? Did those viewing coffin experience healing miracles? Top psychologist claims UK spent period of Royal mourning in state of hysteria, hallucinating late monarch as saint-like figure, as a 'Royal Death Cult' gripped nation.

Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he counsels a convent suffering from the activities of a 'Bad Saviour'. Is a devil abroad as nuns claim effigy of Christ climbs down from cross nightly to ravish them?

As local business sacks regular workforce, local community asks whether 'agency staff' replacements are actually zombies. Claims of all-night Voodoo drums from delivery bays of Dagenham supermarket as customers allege they recognise some of shambolic new staff as deceased loved ones. Are the living dead destined to be UK's new unpaid workforce?

Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time, a mother worries her teenaged son is involved in a Satanic sex cult when she discovers a huge stone penis-shaped altar in his room, to which he and his friends masturbate. Can the Rev help?

Are Britain's lower classes, immigrants and refugees sufficiently grateful for the charity they receive? Right-wing political candidates proposes they be forced to show appropriate levels of gratitude to their benefactors - or face summary justice from the 'Gratitude Police'. Believes public displays of gratitude from lower orders will restore 'natural order' in UK.

Prime Minister explodes in Commons! Terrorism or spontaneous human combustion? Tory party thrown into chaos amid accusations of witchcraft being behind explosion. While opposition suggests either Boris Johnson exploded from shame or faked own death to escape political problems, others point finger at Labour leader Keir Starmer's alleged mental powers.

Welsh Nationalists demand return of Stonehenge after new archaeological study claims monument originally erected in Wales. Allege that stone circle was illegally removed to England in act of cultural appropriation and rebuilt without planning permission. English historians rubbish Welsh theories.

Was UK's post-Brexit fishing deal actually negotiated by Larry the Downing Street cat? Allegations of fish-fetishism at highest levels of government abound as ministers face fish-based attacks from angry fishermen. Military action threatened as 'British' fish defect to EU waters.