"When he takes that white vest off he'll have a white shaped vest shape on his tanned body. Phnarf."
A number of our readers have written in to ask how much it costs now to urinate in the streets in Magaluf following the recent law changes.
"Behind every successful catching man is a good woman there to take the bottle of beer out of his hand before he does it. Yeee hargh!" Jessie Krufts, Red Neck
The woman who's toplessness rocked a mountain range in Malaysia is being approached by The Sun to get them out again on page three, only months after page three was set to be axed and only days after she caused an earthquake in Malaysia.
Fears were growing last night that Glastonbury festival goers will try to give Kanye West a taste of his own medicine by urinating on him as he performs, according to at least one message on Twitter last night.
"Yea, the bear hasn't quite got the thumbs up thing down yet huh?"
"I've trained my dogs to run when they hear violins playing too. Can't be too careful these days."
Barack Obama, the president of the United States of America, a former colony of Great Britain, won a quiz about French Presidents in October 2014, a White House spokesmom admitted last night.
"If they do an easier course for me on my mobility scooter count me in."
"Yea! At last a dog relieving himself without the nasty emissions normally associated with that statement. Although I do hope somebody checks for what looks like a brown dead fish after he gets out." Jessie Krufts, Puppy Carer
"It makes a change from all those bear swipes cat to its death with paw videos."
Greece needs more Euros.
The banks have eaten all the Euros.
With no new Euros to eat the banks will die.
The Euro will probably continue.
The banks have eaten all the Euros.
With no new Euros to eat the banks will die.
The Euro will probably continue.
"That's the hairiest guy I've ever seen in a swimming pool, and I've been using public swimming pools all my life." Harry Zonderblurb, Butcher
Aries: The moon is set to eclipse Pluto this month but you won't notice this because Pluto is not visible in the sky even if you squint. Even so, this will play havoc on any of your transport plans and indicates considerable difficulty driving, flying and walking. Take extra precautions when walking around corners on the 6th.
Animals, some as hairy as dogs, are all panting with their tongues out in an attempt to cool down this week as temperatures soar to boiling point in some parts of the country.
"Yes, he's got the bear 'boingy' movement down pat. Kudos." Jessie Krufts, PE Teacher
"Didn't they do that to some guy on The Sopranos once?" Jimmy Popper, Satire Critic
If they want to vote YES in the Greek referendum, Greeks, some as old as 107, have been told they must vote 'NAI', which sounds just like 'NAH', according to English speakers.
"On balance, I would say it is much less annoying than slow honking." Jessie Krufts, Scientist
"That's probably why you never see a cat with a six pack." Kent Rugby, Motivator