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PointsInCase

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Bureaucrats will waste zero time before pointing fingers and disrespecting the men, women, and children I'm about to systematically mow down.
It's no wonder you stayed hidden from me all these years: you portray a real person better than anyone I've ever seen.
Entertaining guests at the White House, huge part of being president. I drink Diet Coke from cans, but only the best for guests: bottles or fountain.
Davy Crockett actually wore his raccoon-skin cap as a functional warning to other raccoons not to climb on his head while he was sleeping.
I have the world's best memory, so when I woke up this morning and couldn't find my car keys anywhere, I knew Crooked Hillary was to blame.
Goosebumps books have captivated young readers for generations. Here's a sample from the latest entry in the beautifully written series.
I'm a man who took more than half a month tracking down a bird with nothing but the shirt on his back and an $800 bird costume. A proud man.
More visitors than Reagan's! Fewer tears than Kennedy's! Less graffiti than Bush's! The Donald J. Trump Presidential library is legit on fleet.
Hey Santa, could you spend a little time with me this year after coming down the chimney? You know, discuss Bitcoin valuations and eat some cookies.
I've had it. The picture of me in your "cool" MeUndies boxer briefs that you just sent to eleven different women really pushed me over the edge.
"We will play until someone hits the ball past the green patch!" Mikey announces. As pitcher, I know this means we're in for a forever-inning.
The ride starts up and our car whips around and gathers speed. "HOLY SHIT we're heading straight for the fence!" my coffee conscience says.
True story: An albino man named Moth operates shock collars behind the scenes, delivering painful volts if an employee comes within 25 feet of a customer.
I'm glad to know it's WOMEN who are responsible for the sexual harassment reform movement, and not the flagging appeal of my aging ass.
Before planning your trip to Africa, consider the advice of someone who has been there many times and is totally not making stuff up based on movies.
There's nothing like coming home at the end of the day to a tiny, dingy $800-a-month basement apartment to remind you that your dreams are a sham.
So difficult to get things done with the Senate always getting in the way, but these filibusters, they make it hard. We need filibuster reform, even if it is such a fun word to say.
The farting, the boozing, the singing, the lamenting... good grief, what a bunch of lazy, pretentious midgets with nothing to do but stir up drama.
I can't help but wonder, are the things that made me an unappealing romantic companion to Gretchen the same things that make me an unappetizing meal to witches?