'Jeremy will take some home for his compost heap.'
"Honestly, it's made me think twice about dating in future. It's just not safe for cavemen these days."
White House Press Officer, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, has sensationally claimed that under-fire CNN hack, Jim Acosta, launched a frenzied sex attack on a young female intern after she tried to wrest the microphone from the newsman’s grasp during Wednesday night’s fraught press conference at The White House. Speaking to Breitbart News, Sanders said: “As soon...
Transport Secretary Chris Grayling stated openly in an interview with the BBC this afternoon: 'I really am so piss-poor at everything I do, so I really can’t understand why I haven’t been sacked from the cabinet. Heaven knows I’ve tried hard enough, but I’m still here. Why?'
In what many in the world of music are seeing as a surprise move, hard-rocking heavy metal supergroup, AC/DC, have announced their next release will be a concept album based on the lives of Scottish show business icons, The Krankies.
Speaking to Rolling Stone magazine guitarist Angus Young said: 'Fandabbydozy' is a modern-day rock opera, based on the amazing and controversial lifestyles of the hugely popular kid's TV comedy duo. A sort of Tommy for the 2000s, if you will.'
Speaking to Rolling Stone magazine guitarist Angus Young said: 'Fandabbydozy' is a modern-day rock opera, based on the amazing and controversial lifestyles of the hugely popular kid's TV comedy duo. A sort of Tommy for the 2000s, if you will.'
The BBC, taken by surprise by a production that people actually want to watch, have produced a list of spin off productions to be screened over the next twelve months. The Oddie-Guard – a world renowned ornithologist protecting birds on a three seater bicycle. Nobody knows why the birds are on a bycicle. The...
As The Great British Bake Off returned to our screens last night news has emerged today that 97% of the country’s A&E Departments went into crisis mode, with waiting times for treatment stretching out to as long as seven hours in some cases. Consultant Registrar, David Wilson, from Belfast’s Royal Victoria Hospital told us: ‘It...
New CBI guidelines have been issued designed to help ease the anxiety experienced by 98.8% of City of London office workers when having to share a lift with strangers or colleagues. Brian Payne, a completely self-centered futures trader, is just one typical case. ‘I hate getting into a lift with anyone as I never know...
Archaeologists in Wiltshire have carried out DNA analysis on 5000 year old human remains discovered near Stonehenge and discovered they originally came from Wales. A spokesman explained; ‘The fact that people were prepared to travel on foot from Wales to a windswept plain in the middle of nowhere is strong evidence that living in Wales...
People looking for love in their 60s and over now have an app catering for their specific needs. Available on Apple, Android and those phones with the really big buttons, Greyndr promises to help those in their autumn years find someone special, whether they want a companion to watch Midsomer Murders with, to visit stately homes and eat cream teas with, or just for frenzied but ultimately meaningless sexual coupling behind the bandstand in the park.
Steven Hawking has handed his legacy to the long suffering voice synthesiser, it has emerged. Friends close to the the 76 year old titan of theoretical physics -who died on Wednesday- said that in recent years Hawking had delegated increasing amounts of the more mundane elements of black hole research to the machine. ‘At first...
Cressida Harmsworth's sense of pride and empowerment for her gender on International Women's Day was spoilt when her kitchen tap sprang a leak, forcing her to call a plumber who would almost certainly be male.
The bloke standing outside the supermarket with a massive umbrella has finally shifted an RAC membership, he has claimed.
A couple who used to do really cool romantic stuff on Valentine’s Day in the early stages of their relationship, have admitted they did ‘fuck all’ last night. This seems to back up relationship experts’ theories that the much hyped day of love is really just a 'bunch of arse'.
A cyclist from Exmouth who disappeared after riding into a pothole on the B3178 is still missing, Devon and Cornwall police have confirmed. Search and rescue teams have been scouring the pothole since first light in search of Jason Beesley, whose Durango 29 Sport has been found on a ledge about 50 feet down inside...