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Merrick

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Arguing that no law exists that explicitly prohibits the attachment of animals to ballot receptacles, the party has claimed that the large, threatening reptile is a necessary protection against voter fraud in the predominantly liberal neighborhood.
Calling such a repeal of federal laws that prohibit the sale and possession of methamphetamines "long overdue", Trump heralded the drug's users as "real Americans".
Golly gee! What is it with people?! Its the same at my house! Flies everywhere because no one can keep the jaywalking screen door closed! And its not that hard! You walk out the door and you shut it behind you! How complicated is that?! It takes two seconds!
Despite still being in the critical stages of his fight against a COVID-19 infection, President Trump summoned his cabinet and various other staff to his hospital room at Walter Reed Medical Center this morning for an emergency meeting, before forgetting what it was he wanted to discuss.
Dressed in a cowboy hat and boots, the uncharacteristically disconsolate Trump spoke in a gravelly voice resembling that of John Dutton - the main character in the Kevin Costner drama Yellowstone, of which he is apparently a fan - in describing his plan to resolve his financial obligations with the sale of 50,000 acres of fictional land for $500 million to Market Equities, a make believe real estate development company.
Adding to her impressive legacy on the bench and as a civil rights attorney while living, the undead Ginsburg traversed the 4.5 mile distance between her grave and the SCOTUS courthouse in a little over five hours, evidently with the intention of reclaiming her position there at least throughout the upcoming election.
President Trump blamed Antifa for Hurricane Sally and other tropical storms that have wreaked devastation across the Gulf Coast region this year, claiming the left-wing group is in possession of a weather machine.
Dedicated to a focus on lifting the spirits of its readership during today's troubled times, the site appears to have been dealt a fatal blow by what officials described as an "inferno cyclone" that left its headquarters a ruin of smoldering ash yesterday.
"You'll see heat and fire like never before. You won't believe it. There'll be storms, so many storms they won't be able to name them all," he said this morning on Fox and Friends. "They'll run out of names. Mark my words. They'll be calling these storms things like 'Xylophone' and 'Pepperoni'."
Though his services came unsolicited, and despite the whole idea seeming a little strange, the heavily-armed boy standing in your driveway claims he's there for your protection.
Adding to the number of unflattering assessments coming from his own family, an entry recovered from the diary of Donald Trump's grandmother calls Trump 'a total dick'.
Though both Georgia and Florida had already eased their own complete bans to permit shooters to operate at 50% of their usual kill totals, the Lone Star State is the first to re-instate the tacit consent of unfettered gunning down of civilians as they try to go about their daily lives.
A disturbing new report citing internal White House correspondence reveals that the President Trump currently occupying the Oval Office is the third in a series of clones made of the President before he died in 2017.
The latest in a long series of legal challenges, new suits filed by clerics in California and Minnesota seek to allow their parishioners to return to regular indoor services and get to heaven as soon as possible.
The first in possibly a series of debates between presidential candidate Kanye West and his Ninja Foodie Deluxe Multi-Cooker reportedly ended in a draw last night after a spirited 2 hour-long exchange.
Friends report that 32 year-old Aiden Schaeffer of Fort Myers, Florida died tragically less than 20 TikTok followers short of 100k Thursday afternoon.
A shocking new investigation into the origins of COVID-19 has revealed that the deadly virus was in fact engendered by deviant sex acts perpetrated by Dr. Anthony Fauci and Hillary Clinton on a hybrid wolf-man late last year.
With more totalitarianistic state and school district officials across the country declaring that schools will remain closed in the Fall to reduce the number of people dying of CoVID-19, parents will have to continue to supervise the education of their own children. The following are some tips for homeschooling your kids:
Freedom, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. These are the three pillars upon which America rests elevated above all others. They are the foundation for what makes this country the greatest in the history of mankind, and are the reason that I, JT Bell, proud patriot, will sacrifice absolutely nothing for it.
Taking the Daytona Mercy Hospital ICU by storm yesterday afternoon, several members of Woody's Tavern did their best to lift the spirits of some of their patrons currently suffering from COVID-19.