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MakeAmericaTheBest

http://makeamericathebest.com
Patrick Riot
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Lashing out at what he saw as a threat to national security, after being told of an unflattering comment about himself, President Donald Trump today revoked all security privileges for the Home Alone child star MacCauley Culkin, effective immediately.
In a complex conspiracy that even the host of Info Wars, Alex Jones, had trouble coming to grips with, the application to deliver content from his show turned out to be software that allowed Hillary Clinton to observe the movements of every single one of his fans.
A Brooklyn man's daring plan to preserve the "Necco" candy brand would require extraordinary measures never before used in the confectionery industry.
Using 1.2 trillion dollars of US treasury bills it controls as collateral, the Chinese government today agreed to step in and purchase American farms going bankrupt due to the ongoing trade war waged by the president. US farmers will be permitted to continue speaking English, says the Chinese government.
Although the period after World War II is generally remembered as an existential struggle between two nuclear superpowers to control the planet earth, Republicans this week revealed that it was, in fact, just a comical series of miscommunications.
The founder of Papa John's Pizza, John Schnatter, followed up his accusation that the beloved icon of the Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise used the "N-word" with claims that Colonel Sanders had been seen sexually cavorting with barn yard animals.
Using advanced imaging techniques applied to billions of cat photos and videos on the internet, researchers found that cats have read more books, understood them better, and in general are better read than 95% of their human owners.
The doppelgänger of American comedian Zach Galifianakis was awarded the title role in the new Royal Shakespeare Company's production of Hamlet this week. Here's what you need to know.
In the wake of Justice Anthony Kennedy's announced retirement from the US Supreme Court, President Trump nominated Scumbag Steve as his replacement on the highest court of the land.
The American multinational conglomerate Berkshire Hathaway made a surprising discovery this week when one of its accountants realized the company owned the entire state of New Hampshire.
Saying that he has "no problems with the gays", and claiming he wasn't targeting any specific group, President Donald Trump enacted punishing tariffs on the imports of glitter this afternoon after seeing several clips of Pride celebrations on Fox News.
After 15 years of experimentation, producers of the reality show "The Bachelorette" realized selecting a husband by chance worked just as well as a 15-week dating show.
As the administration scrambles to fill vacancies on the federal bench, a folder containing an African American judge was inadvertently forwarded to the Senate, and quickly retrieved by the White House.
The US Treasury today announced that the country is replacing the dollar, which has been in use since 1785, with a new monetary unit: America First Bucks.
Once immensely popular, and now all but forgotten, the characters of the game Pokèmon Go struggle to eek out a living on the streets of America.
Although normally withheld until October, the Nobel Committee today released the nomination of NBA great Dennis Rodman for its Peace Prize, saying that the award is a foregone conclusion.
Looking to beef up his team of attorneys, the president turned to the 6'7" wrestling superstar to take down the Mueller investigation. Or at least get it hung up on the ropes.
After a sleepless night of overwhelming anxiety, Americans staggered from their beds and into the teeth of another relentless assault of breaking news.
Expressing gratitude to the NRA for protecting their right to bear arms, people who spend every waking hour trying to get into the White House are glad they don't have to worry about anyone taking their guns.
After strangling their boss at a status meeting this week, the 7th floor staff celebrated some new perks, like being able to wear jeans. And also discussed how to dispose of the body.