Having already scraped the Trans-Pacific trade pact, Mr. Trump swore to only sign future agreements on parchment made from human skin and with the blood of ‘liberals’. One eyewitness, who saw the President complete the summoning, said: ‘I saw a scaly, rubbery-looking body, with prodigious claws and an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers…and next to him was Cthulhu!’.