NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and autocratic billionaire Donald Trump announced anyone who wanted to attend his rallies would need to take an oath of loyalty to him, and either show guards what he called a "Trump Obedience Tattoo" or be willing to get such a tattoo on the spot. Trump explained the new policies were the result of protesters ruining the atmosphere at numerous rallies, and asserted he was "hugely proud" of the obedience tattoo design with its two lightning bolts.