Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom,
Me and my buddy Ralph heard that they were going to have discount boob jobs at Walmart. We want to sign Ralphs sister up for the service because she is the carpenter’s dream (flat as a board) and a treasure hunter’s dream (a sunken chest) all rolled into one. Patricia is a nice girl and all, but she’s so boobless that she could wear her bra backwards and no one would notice.