Thursday 25th August 2016: Sources close to Jedi Master Jeremy Corbyn scotched reports last night that the force was to do with a newly bruised Richard Branson almost killing himself out on a bike ride today. This only 24 hours after Virgin Trains claimed CCTV showed the leader, 71, walked past empty seats on the way to plonking his beloved socialist bottom on the floor to make a point about overcrowding.