Amidst David Attenborough's 90th birthday celebrations, a dark side has been revealed to his extraordinary longevity which implicates him in the uncommonly high number of celebrity casualties this year. Sources close to several of the dead, including Prince and Paul Daniels, have spoken of a visit by Sir David in the run up their deaths, followed by the discovery of a large black leech on the underside of their beds in the days afterwards. One friend of David Bowie, who wished to remain unnamed, said "Attenborough has enormous experience of rare species and has spent time with some of the most secluded tribes in the world. Is it impossible that he's running off of black magical knowledge gained from these people? Who knows what ancient lore the gorillas told him about."